Sorry

Why am I just typing a post now? Well, crazy enough, this is the first time I've had more than two minutes to myself. Time is rare these days. I wanted to post my birth story for those interested.
I went to the L & D the morning of August 31st with contractions. I was 39 weeks and 5 days. My husband and I left Lilian at home that morning with my mother, that was tough. I was given a labor room and checked in. I changed into my labor skirt ( that my awesome mother-in-law got me) and nursing shirt and cotton slippers, I was ready!
I was checked by my nurse....only 2cms and 80% effaced, I was disappointed and a little scared. I know how c-section happy a lot of hospitals are, I didn't want a labor that would be so long, that I would get tricked into a c-section.
A little later my little munchkin and mom showed up, Lilian was so happy to be back with us. We set up DVD for her and she ran around the room, so happy. Having her in the room made me endure the contractions so much better.
As my contractions were getting more intense, my doctor checked me again, maybe an hour from the nurse's last check and I was about 3 cm and almost completely effaced. My doctor thought it was a good idea to go ahead and rupture my membranes. That made me nervous. I knew that my pain would ,be intense without the buffer of my amniotic fluid, but I knew that it was the only way my labor would progress, so we went for it.
After about an hour since my water broke, I felt my contractions were too intense to have my daughter in the room, so I sent my mom home with her. I got my music ready, I got in my laboring positions and was bracing for the contraction, and MAN did they hurt. Jace was helping with reflex pressure and massaging, along with talking to me, I couldn't have done it without him. I started swaying while standing off the side of the bed, that seemed to be the best position, until I discovered the position of being on my hands and knees on the bed. That was AWESOME! As the nurse noticed how intense my pain was, she decided to check the progress, HOLY CRAP THE PAIN. I was a five and Haylen was almost completely engaged. Probably 10-15 minutes after she checked me, every contraction came with an intense need to push, the need to push was overwhelming, I couldn't stop it. I was warned and almost yelled at not to push, but I couldnt help it, I was pushing. The pain in my pelvis and on my tail bone was so incredible, that I needed some relief, I asked for a epidural. The anaesthesiologist came right away. She was already on my nerves the second she opened her mouth. The first thing she said to me in a very annoyed voice, "I can't do this if you keep your back straight llike that!" I'M HAVING A CONTRACTION, JERK! I CAN'T HELP IT WHEN MY BODY CONTORTS IN PAIN! YOU THINK I WANT TO DELAY MY PAIN RELIEF?! Finally, she started the process, all the while, I'm pushing with every contraction and moaning, in an attempt to dull the pain. Surprisingly, the deep moaning really helped. As the anaesthesiologist (known as ANN from now on) was trying to get in the epidural, she asked if I've been checked recently, and my attending nurse said no, so she had NO idea how far along I was, but I knew I was close. The ANN started telling me all the warnings and possible side effects of an epidural as she is administering it to my, stating that she might have to go through my tattoo in my back, and if that's the case, that it might get infected since the ink is not sterile, blah blah blah. I was so controlling myself from killing this lady. Finally, after she said she was "done", I got back in my on my knees and hands, I felt absolutely NO relief, nothing changed, the contractions were just as painful and intense.
Next the nurse tried telling my to lay down. I was NOT going to have someone tell me how to labor and in what position. And since I was still enduring very painful contractions and intense pressure, I was still moaning in order to control the pain. Now let me tell you, I was not loud by any means, I was NOT screaming or yelling at all, not even close, I wasn't even talking, I would make eye contact with whoever was talking to me, but I would not respond at all, I was in my zone. As I was moaning, the ANN (why she was still in my room, I have no idea) had the audacity to tell me " Moaning won't get you anywhere, you might as well stop." My husband got scared, he thought I was going to punch her. But, I just looked at her, didn't say a word, just made eye contact and continued to moan. After that, I told the nurse I needed to push the baby out, that she was coming. The nurse didn't even check me. She just called my OB, who wasn't even at the hospital and was rushing to make to me in time. I had to keep on telling the nurse that baby was coming, and I had to push her out. She was frantically calling and paging the doctor. Finally the nurse turned to me and said " I know how and can deliver a baby, I just don't get paid enough." Are you effing kidding me? Thanks for that.
All of a sudden, my doctor came RUNNING into the room as he was rushing his scrubs on. As he sat down to deliver my baby, he said " Oh my GOD, the baby is right there!" I pushed twice, and Haylen was born. I had a first degree tear that was nothing and a couple of stitches. Haylen laid on my chest as they took care of me with cord still attached to her, that's the way I wanted it, I didn't want them to rush cutting the cord. After they washed and weighed her (7lbs 11oz) they gave her back and she nursed right away, latched on no problem. It was awesome.
Jace, Haylen and I had some nice bonding time before the rest of the family came in. Haylen's birth was great in the fact that I was able to feel my body work on it's own and see that my body knew what to do on it's own, but her birth was also a eye opener in the fact that hospitals and it's staff are only concerned with their well being and pay check and you are just another patient to them, nothing more.

All in all, I enjoyed my labor and birth and enjoyed the moment I got to share with my husband, even though at one point I was truly afraid he was going to faint. Here is Haylen's first picture.

Keep watch!!!!

So my awesome man of a husband just bought me a fantastic laptop and I will be bringing it to the hospital when I give birth to Peanut, I will be posting on FB along with my blog and post pictures and of course announcing peanuts name etc. So keep an eye out! I am so anxious! I will be going to L & D tomorrow for a possible induction.

I found this interesting

I am still very involved in breastfeeding even though Lilian weaned about four months ago. I read various articles, keep up with various blogs, help other breasfeeding-to-be moms out, and try my best to give voice to the taboo known as Breastfeeding.
Well all that aside, I found this blog article very interesting, I thought I'd share it with the rest of you, breastfeeding or not, I think it's informative and interesting. Breastfeeding and vaccines.

I cannot sleep, I know I should, but it's not happening. Why? Because I am frozen, I am stuck, just watching you sleep. I am with you all day everyday, but I still can't help but stare at you as you lay in your litltle bed. You look perfect in everyway. I know all moms say that, but you are. There not one thing I'd even begin to think should be different about you.

I have always heard that the love a parent has for a child is unlike any other. It's something you will hear of your life, but your heart won't truly understand those words until you become a mother. As I watch you breathe, I think to myself how I didn't think it was possible to posses a love this vast, this large and deep and true. Sometimes it's honestly scary to love someone this much. To know that my heart no longer belongs to me, it's completely consumed with your little voice, your little hands your little face. You've stolen my heart and it didn't have a chance. It was yours the second I knew I had you in my tummy. And now I have your sister on the way and I know she'll steal my heart too, but I just don't understand how one person is able to love two little girls so much. I know it will happen, it's just crazy how much a person is unaware of until the actual experience comes along. Lilian I love you more than you will understand for a while, you are my life and my heart and of course my little baby girl.

Love forever and ever,
Mom

A couple of things.....

I have more than one thing I want to post about. I mean I could make up for my slacking and make multiple posts.....but I'm lazy, so, no.

First, I'm not sleeping...it's just not happening. I understand it's to be expected when pregnant. You come to that stage of just not being comfortable. I had it with Lilian's pregnancy, so it's not a surprise, but I didn't expect it this early, I'm only 6 months. I thought I had at least two more months to toss and turn all night. Sometimes it's hip and back pain that prevent me from sleeping, sometimes it's Lil'Peanut doing somersaults that keeps me from sleeping and other times I just cannot close my eyes. I'm exhausted, yes, but I cannot close my eyes to save my life. When I do close my eyes, I feel like I cannot get past a light phase of sleep, I don't dream, I simply drift at the top of sleep with a sense of every noise around me. Lilian scratches her head in her toddler bed, I'm awake. Our blinds shift, I'm awake. Peanut does one little kick, I'm awake. ((sigh)) Usually this would make for a very grumpy mama, but surprisingly, I'm not, just annoyed at myself that I cannot sleep. Like I can control it.....lame. If I could, this wouldn't be a problem.
Another thing that is fairly bothersome is my sinus. My nasal sinuses are annoying the crap out of me. I was never one to be bothered by pollen or allergens...ever, even when Florida gets hit hard in the early spring, but being pregnant doesn't help. Your nose goes in over drive when pregnant, and I'm no exception. While being pregnant, I usually get swollen sinuses which congest my sinus and gives me nose bleeds, but lately every morning my usual bloody congestion has been accompanied by sinus burning from the pollen in the air......I want to rip my nose off, but supposedly I need my nose to breath....blah blah blah.

Ok, I'm done complaining, I promise. I really love being pregnant. I was so happy when pregnant with Lilian and this pregnancy is no different. Sometimes I just feel like I'm too busy to enjoy it. But then when I feel Peanut wiggle and shift and kick, I cannot help but smile like a fool.

Now as most of you know, my family and I do not celebrate any holidays. ANY holidays. No birthdays, nothing. So this obviously includes Mother's Day. When people ask and I tell them, nope, we do not celebrate Mother's Day, I get a look of pity that usually confuses me. I really don't need a holiday set a side to remind my family "HEY, Appreciate me Damnit!" because they do on a regular basis. I am sure it's nice to be treated like a queen on a designated day a year, but I really don't feel like I'm missing out, honestly.
Anyways, on to my point, (I wrote that so this doesn't seem like a Mother's day post, it's just plain coincidence.)yesterday I got to thinking about how much I call my mom during the day, everday. After, maybe, the six call, I was thinking: "Why do I call her so much?" We don't always have long, in-depth conversations. It's usually just small talk, just little updates throughout the day, sometimes there will be a minute of silence to two. But I like to hear her voice and talk to her for a second. And then it hit me. She is my comfort. She is my security blanket. Whenever I have a hard time or feel like I am stuck between a impossible rock and hard place that not even the President of the United States of America can help me with, my lifeline is a just a ring away, my mom. There seriously has not been one situation that she wasn't able to fix or help me get through. Sometimes her power to make me feel better, fix my situation or just hug me and let me cry on her shoulder seem out of this world, it really does baffle me that one human being can contain this much comfort. All of my life she has been there, so it's not like this is something new. And of course I went through your typical "I hate everyone, because I'm a teenager." stage, but my mom still managed to be my best friend. Even though I pushed her away and probably made her cry in her bedroom without letting anyone know, she still came to my bedroom and we'd talk until 3 o'clock in the morning. I would tell her everything. She would always know what was going on in my life. Even if I knew she wouldn't like what I did, or be upset, I told her the truth. I couldn't really lie to her, because she was my best friend. I knew that she wouldn't yell or scream at me, make me feel like an idiot or "WHAT DID YOU DO?!". But more or less I know she would calmly say "Alright, well this is what I think we should do...." We had our little secrets, or girl only days, we had fun. That's why I call my mom so much during the day, because not only is she my mother, but she really is my best friends. No matter how much I say that she is, maybe someone will think "well, yeah, most mom's and daughters are good friends." No, we really are. When I look at Lilian I really hope I have her calling my six times a day, just to talk, just to say "So, what are you doing?" "Anything new with you?". I hope I'm her best friend too. Not by obligation, but by choice. That would let me know that I was really a good mom after all.

Moving along

So peanut is a little more than half way done baking. I'm super excited by how fast this pregnancy is going, but I'm also trying to soak it all in at the same time. Does that make sense? I haven't really come to terms that this might be my last pregnancy, I'm blissfully ignorant to that fact. I cannot face that my baby making days will be over, so I'll just leave that page unturned for now. But, in saying that, I think to myself, what will we use as birth control after Lil'Peanut is born? Breastfeeding work very well after Lilian was born, I got my first cycle 13 months after Lili was born and got pregnant the second cycle I had after she was born which was 14 months after she was born. So maybe we can use breastfeeding for maybe the first 6 months and move on to something else, to be extra safe.

So since my particular OB has more patients than he can handle (in my opinion) I have to remind him about a lot things, like pretty much give him a run down of our previous appointment. Why do I stay with him, you say? Well, he is very knowledgeable, understanding and truly listens to your concerns and does what he can to ease them, even if it ridiculous. Anyways, back to my point, I had to remind my doctor that I never received an anatomy scan for peanut, that we found out her gender while scanning my uterine lining for bleeding and oops, there were Lil'Peanuts girly goods. So I have a anatomy scan next week. I'm exciting to see how big she is, she should be close to a pound and a half by next week. I know she is tall or long, whatever. I also know she is smack up against my cervix....not cool. She has nightly battles with my bladder, I'm surprised I haven't peed blood yet, with the Judo chops she gives my bladder.

Lilian on the other hand, is doing awesome, she seriously surprises me everyday with something new that knows and is keeping under wraps. She knows the shape star. And she points to everything that is a star and says: "Stars, STARS!!". She knows the word milk too, well more like mill, but she gets her point across. She is a very bright little girl that loves to observe and learn on her own.
While she is asleep, I find it hard not to stare at her, I just cannot help but stare. She is so adorable and peaceful. Then I get that feeling that I'm sure all mothers of more than one kid has got. The "I feel a little bad about springing a sibling on my only child right now." I wish there was a way to explain it to her, but I know she cannot grasp it at the moment. I let her know there is a baby in my belly, she knows the word baby, but I can tell she gets super confused when I say baby and point to my belly. I love the time we spend together, the pointless cuddles, the afternoon naps, the solo trips to the park or store. No more. She'll have to learn to share "Mama." I think/hope she'll do ok. ((sigh)) We shall see, in what...17 weeks?

I guess that makes me a wimp.

I have a few friends that have children around Lilian's age, give or take a month or two. Now, no two mom's are the same and of course I realize that and there are several things that I did extremely different than them. I'm not saying I'm better by any means, just different. One thing that I saw that we did different and tried putting myself in their shoe and just absolutely couldn't, was being a working mom.
I understand that sometimes this subject is touchy for some, but I really don't care. I am not posting this for working moms to defend themselves, I'm posting this to give everyone a stay-at-home-mom's point of view, or rather, fear. Back to my post->

I've even babysat for said friends, and to see the little one run as fast as they can to reach the door before the parent leaves, honestly, is beyond heartbreaking, and they are not even my child. This happened for well over two months, with no change in this child's reaction. After about two hours (yes, two hours of holding him, cuddling, bottle feeding and rocking.) he'd calm down a little, but anything would set him off. If he'd trip, not fall, just trip, he'd break down crying and run to the front door and bang on it and call "mama."
I know not every child is like this, but honestly, I rather be broke as hell, than have my child feel like I abandoned them everyday like this child honestly felt. When I looked into his eyes, I saw he was scared, not of me or Lili, but it looked like he was scared because he didn't know what was going to happen. When I held him against me, he felt a little better, and I'm guessing because I somewhat substituted the feeling his mother gave him, the feeling he was crying for. I could never subject Lilian to this, ever. There are times that I just closed my eyes and pictured me dropping Lilian off at some daycare and walking away, I literally get teary eyed and goose bumps. I know she'd cry until she would hiccup, I know she wouldn't understand why I was still walking away from her even though I hear her crying, I know she wouldn't know when I was coming back or why I was leaving her in the first place. I couldn't let Lilian feel that insecurity, because I'm her mother, I am her security, at least at the this age.
AGAIN, I am not saying working mothers suck or do a horrible job, blah blah blah. I'm just saying I couldn't do it and I know how my child would feel and I feel I couldn't let her feel like that if I had the power to prevent it.
I have never left Lilian with anyone other than her father or my mother, two people she feels just as close to as me. I will NEVER leave her with anyone else. Call me prude, overprotective, whatever, I call it safe and secure. She loves her father to pieces and she loves my mom, she trust them, she feels SAFE with them and that is what matters. There have been plenty of times I had to strap Lilian to me and bring her to a GYN appointment or something similiar because my husband or mother weren't available. Do I have other relatives or friends there? Of course, would I trust them? Maybe. Would Lilian? No. And that answer means Lilian is coming with me.

You know when I think about it, I can see that maybe I am just as scared as Lilian to have ever put her in a daycare, I guess that makes me a little overprotective, but honestly I couldn't careless, because we have a awesome bond. A bond that I never could have imagined I would ever have with my daughter. I understand that me not being able to let her go to just anyone makes me seem a little over the top or wimp-ish, but again, I don't care. I look at it as this. I got pregnant with the mind set that my full time job for the next18 years is going to be a mother. Not a half-ass mom (not saying working mom's are...just listen.) were I am going to keep going out, acting young. I am going to do my best in every quality of Lilian's or any of my children's life. That means treat my pregnancy with the highest care and treat my infant to best care etc. One of those things was for me to stay at home and be the one that raises my child, not someone else.

So when Lil'Peanut gets here, I'm going to be her daycare too, because I think that's the way she would rather have it. Are we going to be broke? Yes. But does Lilian and Peanut have the most toys and clothes on the block? Yes. Are they still well fed and get the best diapers? Yes. And that is what matters.

I captured the cute-ness

With the awesome weather we have been having, Lilian has been to park more often. She loves it....I love watching her smile, so it's a win-win situation. I took some adorable pictures...observe (by the way, ignore the date stamp on the photos, they are completely incorrect, I totally messed it up somehow.):

In other news, Lilian's vocabulary is getting cuter by the day. She of course waves and says "hi" and "bye". She also nods and says "no", she barks at our two dogs (more about that later.) she says "choo choo" when you ask her "what sound does a train make?". She says "thanks" when you hand her something she is asking for, OH and the most hilarious one? She heard me call Jace a couple of times, so she was copy me and shout "JACE!" soooo funny.

As you may notice because of my semi-creepy widget to the right, I am going to be 20 weeks tomorrow.I can't wait to go shopping for little Miss. Peanut,get the girl's rooms in order etc. etc. SO exciting!. It's going to be so fun.

Moving right along...

I am 17 weeks today. YAY. My widget to the right confirms it.
Time is flying with this pregnancy. I'm enjoying it,but as soon as I reach one milestone, I am anxiously anticipating the next, like it couldn't come fast enough. I did this with Lilian and once she was born, I really missed rubbing my belly and feeling her move around inside. What am I saying? That I really need to calm down and realize that I will miss this and I need to take it all in. I mean after all this might be my last pregnancy....so the sperm donor says. We shall see.
There are many times in my pregnancy that I've been so busy and exhausted with Lili, that I've completely forgot I was even pregnant. And then I get all excited remembering I'm carrying another little girl, then I proceed to squeal like a little girl.
I need to slow down. Physically though. I push my self too hard during the day with Lilian, picking her up, bending over...when I KNOW my back can't take it, and then I end up paying for it. Not to mention I am not eating an extra 100-200 extra calories like I am supposed to. By this time in my pregnancy I should have gained 5-10lbs, you know how much I've gained? 3......3 lousy pounds. Which was a lot of work for me, considering the horrible stomach bug I caught in my first trimester that made me lose 6lbs. So I guess technically I gained 9lbs. I have so much to do...and I have a headache to boot. I have to write a story for my brother's zine, which is quite popular...he is very talented, and that's not the biased sister talking, he is very smart, it makes my head hurt sometimes. Then I have to catch up on my poetry, because I'm slacking...what else is new. OH. And I have to feed Lilian. HAH. Can't forget that.
So Let me cut this SO interesting post short.

My Morning

I wake up in a world that is soft and pink.
With little brown eyes staring, without a blink.
She tells me a story every morning.
It's never one I understand....but I'm learning.
I hold her in my arms for as long as I can, under the cover.
I close my eyes, breath, and think... "wow, I'm her mother."
Her brown curls dance on my face
I live in a world of laughs and lace.
Every morning she is warm with happiness
Every morning I melt, other problems are pointless.
My mornings, my days are my reminders.
My mornings, my days are my saviors.
I wake up in a world that is smiling and glowing
With long eye lashes, I fell the love flowing.

This is a sample of my new blog "I am written"
If you want to check it out click here

Let me just vent a little...

I will start off with a disclaimer. This is a vent, a vent usually consists of a one sided arguement that can easily offend others, especially if you caused or are the subject of said vent. So if any of that applies to you or you are just easily offended, please stop reading now....thanks.

I've expressed numerous times that I hate mother or parenting boards, for sooo many reasons, but for two in particular.
First, if a mother is doing something in particular in reference to child rearing, she usually thinks she is the best. Which, in some case, is fine, that's an opinion, and you are free to have it, but please, keep it to your self, because honestly, we care less. Also, it's just plain annoying when you gloat, because again, we couldn't care less that you are still rear facing your child in the their car seat, or you only feed organic or whatever. It doesn't make you a better mother, only a loud mouth that looks to put others down and put your self on a pedestal.

Second, well this one is kind of a two-fer. First, are the mothers that are totally oblivous to the things they are doing that are wrong in a sense of either health wise or just plain stupid. For example, one mother stated how she gave her baby ben.adry.l every night to put her to sleep.....and the second part of this two-fer kind of goes hand in hand with the first, not a SINGLE PERSON said what she was doing was wrong, but OH god forbid you say that you started giving you baby cow's milk at 11 months, and they jump on you like a herd of hungry hyena's! Another example is pretty common, a mother constantly complains about her relationship status. Her boyfriend is always wishy-washy, never see's them, blah blah blah or the husband might be cheating, they are getting a divorce blah blah blah. And then, what happens? Her period is late and she is/might be pregnant. Please don't complain about it if you voluntarily spread your legs and made a baby with the man you constantly seek consoling support from other people with. You are an adult, you know how babies are made, either you are having problems and need to repair your marriage/relationship and I understand, you can shortly make up or your nether regions get the best of you for a minute, but here is a crazy, outlandish concept: USE BIRTH CONTROL! If you are having severe enough relationship/marriage problems that you feel is completely necessary to complain about your significant other to complete strangers ALL THE TIME, you are not ready to bring a child in to the enviroment, it's possible damaging and possible will hinder any chance of the relationship healing or getting better. Be an adult, please. Someone in the situation needs to be. I mean if you can procreate, it should be required that you act like an adult, right?

Now I know that I am completely guilty of lurking on these sites. And I know what you are muttering to your computer screen right now. "Why or why Larissa, are you lurking if it bothers you so much?" Well, ladies, I feel as a mother, I have a right to lurk or maybe even particpate in conversations pertaining to my child to seek advice or give others advice that I may know one to two things about, WITHOUT having to hear or read rather, stupid stupid stupid post. I am just asking for mother or just parents in general to act decent, treat a board decent, treat others decent and please for the sake of your children ACT LIKE AN ADULT.
Anyways, when these mothers, complain or talk about their relationship problems, others are usually sympathetic, which is fine. But as soon as she makes a mistake, instead of giving her some real advice they do the politically correct dance. Which as I was lurking recently, have seen happen, and I noticed that someone made a Anon post and kind of said, what others where probably thing. I'm pretty against anonymous comments or replies, I figure, if you have something to say, you shouldn't be scared, and if you are, maybe you shouldn't say it in the first place. But I believe her comment wasn't totally wrong, now she could have phrased it a little nicer, but her point got across and instead of others saying what they were thinking, they were all sugar coating the situation. I digress. All in all, I got my vent out.


That's all. You don't even know how much better I feel....woooosaw.

My heart, blood and Sex.

I realized I forgot to mention a lot of things in my past posts. I suck. The things I left out were pretty important too.
Like the outcome of my Cardiologist appointment, how did I forget to tell you all? One answer: I have pregnancy brain, for serious. I forget everything, and do the dumbest stuff...more on that later before I forget to tell you about my appointment.
So, I had a ultrasound done of my heart. It looks healthy, the correct size and no fluid or extra valves. To be on the safe side, I was given a holter monitor to wear for 24hrs. It was literally taped to me....I still have red marks from the tape...stupid tape. It was torture tape. I swear. During the 24hrs I wore the monitor, I had two palpitations and my heart beat went up to 140bpm. The doctor showed me how it looks on paper to have a palpitation, pretty scary looking. You see a normal, consistent heartbeat and then the lines go off the chart, my heart literally doesn't beat for a millisecond. And then he asked me what I was doing at 1:58pm while wearing the monitor. Honestly? Probably sleeping with my baby, if not, probably picking her up or something mundane. Nothing to excuse the fast heartbeat, but I don't even remember it. Maybe a bad dream? Hmmm.
A final summary. The doctor does not see a need for me to be medicated right now or in the near future. He blames the palpitations on my body being preoccupied with fighting something else at the time of the palpitations and going into "overdrive" causing the palpitations. Or, for the fact I'm pregnant and my body is changing physically and chemically. So far, they have tapered off and I'm doing well.

On to the blood portion of my post.
Well I went to my OB to have a update on my ultrasound. While doing the ultrasound, the tech looked and looked for the blood collection in my uterus to see how big it's gotten. Guess what we found? NOTHING! It's gone! WooHoo! My body re-absorbed it. How awesome. Most likely, I will be taken off of pelvic rest....that would be so great. Also during the ultrasound it was found that I've been having Braxton Hicks, which according to my tech is completely normal. I guess. Still a little unnerving. So I'm going to bring it up to my doctor next appointment. I know I've felt them, but I chalked up to be the baby pressing or stretching, guess not.


SEX!
HAH.
Ok, and for the sex part of my post?
Well we found out the sex of the baby! Want to guess? The photo of the goods are below! I covered a piece of the picture with a paper...it stated the gender.

The photo is small, sorry.
So are you ready?

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It's a girl!

I love it...really.

My favorite part of pregnancy is being huge and feeling the baby constantly moving around, I love it. When I was pregnant with Lilian, the pregnancy was a breeze. Jace used to tell me " I bet other women would hate you for how easy your pregnancy is going." Oh, was it easy. I didn't get sick, I could eat anything ( um yeah...I gained 40lbs while pregnant with her.) I didn't have any complications and she grew like she needed too, plus I had a easy labor and natural delivery. This pregnancy? Not such a breeze...I guess the universe needs to balance out and give me a little bit a rough time in one of my pregnancies.
I was crazy sick for while, I lost about a total of six pounds in a week, I'm still pretty sensitive about food, so I haven't really been able to gain it back.
Oh and not to mention to whole car accident debockle that is still putting my pregnancy at risk.
With Lilian, I was able to have good sleep up until the third trimester....this time around? Not so much. I get so congested at night, my belly feel so big already, so to find a decent position is annoying.

My point is, this pregnancy is making me realize how ignortant I was to think everything would just as smooth as my first pregnancy. I mean I was even in a car accident while pregnant with Lilian, at the same gestation as this pregnancy and everything was fine with Lilian, no bleeding. I love being pregnant, so all these little things that are making this pregnancy different aren't even phasing me really, let's just hope that my labor and delivery at least stays the same.

Where did my baby go?

Lilian just turned 17 months yesterday. Everyday, I see a little bit more of my "baby" is gone and toddler is taking over. She isn't as attached when we go out now, she literally runs to go find new things to get into....she listens when we call for her though. She is climbing on everything.....she seriously gives me a heart attack about 53 times a day, at least. Oh and she is talking up a storm. She says "Duke" a lot more clearly, along with barking at him when he comes inside. She can identify things when you ask her, she understands quite a bit. But, she is still very attached to me. When we go to gatherings where there are a lot of people, she hides behind my leg and holds on for dear life. She warms up to them, it just takes a second. For example, this weekend I brought Lilian to the spring cleaning of our church, there were a lot of people there. She was alittle grumpy, but she warmed up in no time...then she kicked a man's foot that was sitting on the curb eating his lunch.....she was a little iffy about the size of his shoe. Anyways, here are some pictures of her lately.

Broken Heart

My marriage is fine....my heart? Not so much. Well actually we don't know what's wrong, if anything really.

As long as I can remember I've had heart palpitations. I actually remember the very first time I felt a heart palpitation. I was in Kindergarten, on a field trip. It was time to leave and I was approaching the school bus, walking behind my mom (she was a chaperon) when it stopped me in my tracks. It felt like my heart had skipped a beat, it almost tickled, but I knew, even at that young age, it wasn't normal. My mom instantly saw me pause and my face change. She asked what had happened, and I explained the best a five year old could explain such a thing.

Anyways, fast forward almost twenty years, (wow) I have been having them quite frequently. I know that during pregnancy it's said to be normal, especially if you've had them previously. But, two things warrant a slight red flag in my situation....un-freaking-fortunately. First, while it is normal to have palpitations during pregnant, it is not normal to have them this early, regardless of having a previous condition or not. Second, I have had them very close together in a short period of time ( 7 of them in less than 45 minutes.) also some of them have actually made me light headed, which I know can be serious.

So once I explained my concerns to my doctor, which barely left my lips before he said "You are going to see a Cardiologist." So...there you have it. I am going to see a heart doctor.

I know it may sound, oh I don't know the correct adjective, ignorant? But I rather not know if I truly have a heart condition...honestly. I know, I know. But honestly, I'm doing it for Lili and Lil' Peanut. I have my appointment is on Hump Day. I'll let you all know the outcome.

I had quite a bit more to express, but....I have a toddler that insists it's nap time. Oh, I forgot...here is my new hair color!

Is it a "no-no"?

I'm getting my hair colored today. I am really done being blonde, plus I really do not want to keep coloring my roots while pregnant. My doctor is pretty against hair coloring while pregnant, but I told him there is noooooooo way I am letting my roots grow out to a white trash look...nope.
I am really excited to be back at my natural color and have the same hair as Lilian. I'll post a picture when I get back.

I really really meant to write a much larger post, but nope, I am not motivated at all. sorry.

Say what?

Why am I awake at 3:30am posting? Well I might as well since I am already awake throwing up non-stop....I think it's food poisoning, fantastic.

One sick family

Jace caught the flu, and is slowly getting over it. Poor guy still had to go to work and everything...what a guy. But on the other hand, I don't feel bad for him. Around fall time I remember having a slight argument about getting flu shots. I told him since he was the sole provider for the family, I thought getting flu shot would be wise, reduce the chances of having to take sick days. His response? " I've never got the flu shot in my life, and I've never got the flu, why would I start getting the vaccine now?" Umm I dunno, for the reason listed above, tough guy! I said "whatever." And Lili and I got ours, and here we are, flu free! Where's Jace? Achy and feverish at work...should have listeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeened.
Lilian still has a slight cough, but she is a lot better than a week or two ago. Speaking of sick people I had to take my Grandmother to the doctor's, because she has a terrible cold, plus asthma, so that intensifies her cold. I stayed with her in the examine room to talk to her doctor and translate for her, Lilian was having fun playing with tongue compressors and the like. My poor Grandma got four different medications. Thankfully, I haven't caught anything else then what I had last month. I am trying my best to wash my hands, so on and so forth.

Oh! So my camera partially works. It works, but drains batteries super insanely fast. So while it lasted, I took some seriously adorable pictures of my little cutie!

Appointment after appointment after appointment.....

You get the picture.

Since Lilian first caught a cold in the start of January and then my car accident, it feels like Lilian and I living out of a doctor's waiting room. I had spotting, so my doctor has ordered ample amounts of ultra sounds. Lilian caught Strep from a devil child...so she's been to the doctor twice in a week. ((SIGH))

Lilian is doing better, her cough didn't improve since we've started antibiotics last week, so her doctor wanted to listen to her chest. All checks out, he thinks she was just unlucky enough to catch a virus and strep at the same time. My poor little boo bear.

I just had a OB appointment on Wednesday to follow up on my two ultra sounds. We heard the baby's heartbeat with the doppler, it was a 174 bpm. I am ten weeks and one day today. My doctor said he thinks the group of blood will eventually absorb back into my body and everything will be ok. I still have to take it easy, I am still on pelvic rest. My husband gave the doctor a dirty look when he mentioned that. I have another ultra sound in two weeks, I'll be twelve weeks exactly. Maybe we will have a look at the goods? I know it's too early, but it'd be nice to have a sneak peak.

I have been really quiet about this pregnancy. I don't know why. But I like it. I am going to do a lot of things different this time around. Honestly, I probably won't tell a lot of people I am pregnant until is undeniably noticeable. And when I give birth, a lot of family will NOT be allowed in the hospital room, period. I will seriously give the nurse station a short list of people allowed in. I am going to throw a small baby party, not really a shower, just a get together, again, a lot of people will not be invited. I feel like I opened my pregnancy up to a lot of people when I was pregnant with Lilian. I feel like my pregnancy is something I should share with Lilian, Jace and I, I feel it should be more private then I treated it before. I feel it is special that way. I guess that is why I have not been blogging about it much. Hmmm. Now dont get me wrong, I will always update you guys...but probably not in much detail though. I rather keep it to myself and my family.

So I think that is about it. I cant (my apostrophe key just stopped working!!) think of much else to say! OH! In response to belly picture request, I will post one in two weeks!

Give-away!! WOOT!

So my sweet friend Elizabeth is having a awesome give away, and what kind of blogger/friend would I be if I didn't spread the news? Go check it out! Click here.