Thank you

Thanks to everyone for the well wishes and congrats. I had to cancel my OB appointment this morning. Looks like my insurance through DH's job isn't completely active until the first of January.
Anyways, I realize that my problems seem minuscule compared to a lot of women that are TTC and I do not mean to come off as "Oh woe is me." I do feel very lucky, and I do understand how hard it could be and that I have it very easy compared to a lot of others.
So I know I shouldn't have and a lot of you girls advised against me touching anymore tests...but I couldn't help myself.....Here is one from this morning. It looks darker in person. At least to me.

Well, my HPT's are not really getting any darker. Actually the test I took this morning was lighter than yesterday's and yesterday's was pretty light. Anyways, I guess we'll see what happens, but my hopes are not up. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow.

Here is the best picture I could get, it's with my phone, because once again, my camera is acting up. The test on the top is from yesterday and the one on the bottom is from this morning.

Camera is working! But still takes blurry pictures.....Look below!

I mean you can clearly see what it says, but the picture I took this morning is blurry nonetheless.

*****If you know me on Fa.ce.boo.k PLEASE PLEASE KEEP IT TO YOURSELF!!!

That's right...she did it. HAH.

Lili has been putting herself to sleep. I just look for sleepy ques and lay her in her crib and she goes to sleep. BOOYAH! Haha. OK sorry that "booyah" wasn't very mature. But honestly that's what I feel like saying.
I cannot tell you how many people said "You shouldn't rock her to sleep, she'll never learn to sleep on her own." "You just need to let her cry it out, it's the only way." "You are making a mistake."
((blows rasberry))
I gave her time and now she does it all by herself. And I never had to let her cry it out....ever. She just proved my point that babies will do what we expect of them, just when they are ready to do it. I just noticed that she wasn't comfortable with me rocking her to sleep anymore, she'd constantly move and change positions, so I just laid her down one time in her crib, she laid there for a couple of minutes and when I came back to check on her, she was out like a light. Not a peep, not a cry. She's awesome.

Waves

I've been very emotional lately.

I don't know why. Hormones? I don't know where my hormones are at, so I can't say for sure.
But I'm all over the place with everything.

I feel mean and bitchy one second, and sincere and sweet the next. I'm overjoyed and appreciative, and then the next I'm overwhelmed and trapped. I have the patience of a nun and snap like a caged animal. ((sigh)) I am crying at the dumbest things....and nothing at all. I'm exhausted....it's physically making me tired. Whew. That felt good to write. I've kept this in for over a week now.

I don't let my tides of emotions out, for Lilian's sake really, plus I don't want to drive my husband crazy, he has enough stress, honestly.

This constant set of waves has me in a slump. A crappy slump I cannot get out of. Everyday I do exactly what is required of me as a mother and wife...and I sign out. I don't think I'm depressed really, I know how that feels. I'm in a mental state of laziness...extended stay.

Well in Lili news...she is awesome. She is running everywhere, growing so much everyday that it brings tears to my eyes. I've come to realization that I don't have a baby anymore, and then I wish I would have cherished her baby days even more, instead of being so stressed. But what can you do? So instead I just squeeze her as tight as I can....sometimes too tight and she squeaks..oops.

I wanted to ask all of you moms out there, what makes you a special mom? What part of your mother-child relationship do cherish the most that makes you special? For example, with my mom, I know, no matter what, she is there for me, at the drop of a dime, she is right there when I need her. With Lilian I try the same. I am always right there with her. I want her to feel no matter what she can count on me. She never has to feel scared if I am there to comfort her, to pick her up, to 'shhh' her, whatever she needs, in my power, I will provide. And if it's not in my power, I will find a way. So tell me, what makes you special?

Hello! ((waving)) I'm still alive!

Man, do I suck.
Not only am I a really bad blogger, but I haven't read a single blog post by any blog I follow. I don't know what my deal is, I have no want to read or write, lame, I know.
Everything is the same with me. Absolutely nothing has changed, nothing new...at all.

Lilian is getting four molars, so she is a little clingy and grumpy to say the least. A weekend ago we were at a friends house, watching a football game, Lilian was h-o-r-r-i-b-l-e. She wouldn't let go of my leg, I couldn't set her on the ground, no one could even look at her without her break out into a meltdown. I understand she is in pain...but seriously, chill out for a minute, I would like the feeling in my right leg to return, at least for two minutes. I gave her Tylenol, that was working as fast as we'd all like (Lilian included), so we tried some old remedies and she passed out almost instantly. Whew. That was an exhausting day.
I hate days like that, because I don't want people that don't know Lili to think she is a clingy, grumpy, over sensitive child, ya know? She's doing better, but still grumpy. All of her molars are coming in at different times, so it'll be a little bit until I get my old baby back.
Have you ever come to the realization that your life is NOT interesting enough to write about? That's where I am at right now....I'm boring. Our weekend was boring, just lounging around, we are a big family of boring.
In other news, or the past two to three nights I have had almost zero hours of sleep. The reason? A teething baby? A snoring husband? A snoring dog that has dramatic dream after dream? Well, yes, I have all of the above, but not one is the cause of my sleepless nights, I've mastered those noises. For the last couple of nights, I've heard scratching and squeaking and growling.....yes, growling under the floors in my bedroom. Ladies and gentlemen, we have some critters under living under my house. As soon as the sunsets this little family of critters go to town and I cannot sleep a wink, it creeps me out, makes my skin crawl. I hear them run back and forth, I hear them scratch themselves, I hear them squeak to each other, I've heard a stray cat get underneath there and terrorize their little village. Which that stupid cat obviously did a crap job, because they are still there. The reason why I cannot sleep is because the sounds really sound like they are in our bedroom, I know they aren't but it bothers me nonetheless. What's a girl to do? Get an arsenal of anti-critter weapons. ((sigh)) I would hate to have to ruin their little home, but I need sleep.....seriously. It's me or them.

Bye bye rodents {{ insert evil laugh}}