I found this interesting

I am still very involved in breastfeeding even though Lilian weaned about four months ago. I read various articles, keep up with various blogs, help other breasfeeding-to-be moms out, and try my best to give voice to the taboo known as Breastfeeding.
Well all that aside, I found this blog article very interesting, I thought I'd share it with the rest of you, breastfeeding or not, I think it's informative and interesting. Breastfeeding and vaccines.

I cannot sleep, I know I should, but it's not happening. Why? Because I am frozen, I am stuck, just watching you sleep. I am with you all day everyday, but I still can't help but stare at you as you lay in your litltle bed. You look perfect in everyway. I know all moms say that, but you are. There not one thing I'd even begin to think should be different about you.

I have always heard that the love a parent has for a child is unlike any other. It's something you will hear of your life, but your heart won't truly understand those words until you become a mother. As I watch you breathe, I think to myself how I didn't think it was possible to posses a love this vast, this large and deep and true. Sometimes it's honestly scary to love someone this much. To know that my heart no longer belongs to me, it's completely consumed with your little voice, your little hands your little face. You've stolen my heart and it didn't have a chance. It was yours the second I knew I had you in my tummy. And now I have your sister on the way and I know she'll steal my heart too, but I just don't understand how one person is able to love two little girls so much. I know it will happen, it's just crazy how much a person is unaware of until the actual experience comes along. Lilian I love you more than you will understand for a while, you are my life and my heart and of course my little baby girl.

Love forever and ever,
Mom

A couple of things.....

I have more than one thing I want to post about. I mean I could make up for my slacking and make multiple posts.....but I'm lazy, so, no.

First, I'm not sleeping...it's just not happening. I understand it's to be expected when pregnant. You come to that stage of just not being comfortable. I had it with Lilian's pregnancy, so it's not a surprise, but I didn't expect it this early, I'm only 6 months. I thought I had at least two more months to toss and turn all night. Sometimes it's hip and back pain that prevent me from sleeping, sometimes it's Lil'Peanut doing somersaults that keeps me from sleeping and other times I just cannot close my eyes. I'm exhausted, yes, but I cannot close my eyes to save my life. When I do close my eyes, I feel like I cannot get past a light phase of sleep, I don't dream, I simply drift at the top of sleep with a sense of every noise around me. Lilian scratches her head in her toddler bed, I'm awake. Our blinds shift, I'm awake. Peanut does one little kick, I'm awake. ((sigh)) Usually this would make for a very grumpy mama, but surprisingly, I'm not, just annoyed at myself that I cannot sleep. Like I can control it.....lame. If I could, this wouldn't be a problem.
Another thing that is fairly bothersome is my sinus. My nasal sinuses are annoying the crap out of me. I was never one to be bothered by pollen or allergens...ever, even when Florida gets hit hard in the early spring, but being pregnant doesn't help. Your nose goes in over drive when pregnant, and I'm no exception. While being pregnant, I usually get swollen sinuses which congest my sinus and gives me nose bleeds, but lately every morning my usual bloody congestion has been accompanied by sinus burning from the pollen in the air......I want to rip my nose off, but supposedly I need my nose to breath....blah blah blah.

Ok, I'm done complaining, I promise. I really love being pregnant. I was so happy when pregnant with Lilian and this pregnancy is no different. Sometimes I just feel like I'm too busy to enjoy it. But then when I feel Peanut wiggle and shift and kick, I cannot help but smile like a fool.

Now as most of you know, my family and I do not celebrate any holidays. ANY holidays. No birthdays, nothing. So this obviously includes Mother's Day. When people ask and I tell them, nope, we do not celebrate Mother's Day, I get a look of pity that usually confuses me. I really don't need a holiday set a side to remind my family "HEY, Appreciate me Damnit!" because they do on a regular basis. I am sure it's nice to be treated like a queen on a designated day a year, but I really don't feel like I'm missing out, honestly.
Anyways, on to my point, (I wrote that so this doesn't seem like a Mother's day post, it's just plain coincidence.)yesterday I got to thinking about how much I call my mom during the day, everday. After, maybe, the six call, I was thinking: "Why do I call her so much?" We don't always have long, in-depth conversations. It's usually just small talk, just little updates throughout the day, sometimes there will be a minute of silence to two. But I like to hear her voice and talk to her for a second. And then it hit me. She is my comfort. She is my security blanket. Whenever I have a hard time or feel like I am stuck between a impossible rock and hard place that not even the President of the United States of America can help me with, my lifeline is a just a ring away, my mom. There seriously has not been one situation that she wasn't able to fix or help me get through. Sometimes her power to make me feel better, fix my situation or just hug me and let me cry on her shoulder seem out of this world, it really does baffle me that one human being can contain this much comfort. All of my life she has been there, so it's not like this is something new. And of course I went through your typical "I hate everyone, because I'm a teenager." stage, but my mom still managed to be my best friend. Even though I pushed her away and probably made her cry in her bedroom without letting anyone know, she still came to my bedroom and we'd talk until 3 o'clock in the morning. I would tell her everything. She would always know what was going on in my life. Even if I knew she wouldn't like what I did, or be upset, I told her the truth. I couldn't really lie to her, because she was my best friend. I knew that she wouldn't yell or scream at me, make me feel like an idiot or "WHAT DID YOU DO?!". But more or less I know she would calmly say "Alright, well this is what I think we should do...." We had our little secrets, or girl only days, we had fun. That's why I call my mom so much during the day, because not only is she my mother, but she really is my best friends. No matter how much I say that she is, maybe someone will think "well, yeah, most mom's and daughters are good friends." No, we really are. When I look at Lilian I really hope I have her calling my six times a day, just to talk, just to say "So, what are you doing?" "Anything new with you?". I hope I'm her best friend too. Not by obligation, but by choice. That would let me know that I was really a good mom after all.

Moving along

So peanut is a little more than half way done baking. I'm super excited by how fast this pregnancy is going, but I'm also trying to soak it all in at the same time. Does that make sense? I haven't really come to terms that this might be my last pregnancy, I'm blissfully ignorant to that fact. I cannot face that my baby making days will be over, so I'll just leave that page unturned for now. But, in saying that, I think to myself, what will we use as birth control after Lil'Peanut is born? Breastfeeding work very well after Lilian was born, I got my first cycle 13 months after Lili was born and got pregnant the second cycle I had after she was born which was 14 months after she was born. So maybe we can use breastfeeding for maybe the first 6 months and move on to something else, to be extra safe.

So since my particular OB has more patients than he can handle (in my opinion) I have to remind him about a lot things, like pretty much give him a run down of our previous appointment. Why do I stay with him, you say? Well, he is very knowledgeable, understanding and truly listens to your concerns and does what he can to ease them, even if it ridiculous. Anyways, back to my point, I had to remind my doctor that I never received an anatomy scan for peanut, that we found out her gender while scanning my uterine lining for bleeding and oops, there were Lil'Peanuts girly goods. So I have a anatomy scan next week. I'm exciting to see how big she is, she should be close to a pound and a half by next week. I know she is tall or long, whatever. I also know she is smack up against my cervix....not cool. She has nightly battles with my bladder, I'm surprised I haven't peed blood yet, with the Judo chops she gives my bladder.

Lilian on the other hand, is doing awesome, she seriously surprises me everyday with something new that knows and is keeping under wraps. She knows the shape star. And she points to everything that is a star and says: "Stars, STARS!!". She knows the word milk too, well more like mill, but she gets her point across. She is a very bright little girl that loves to observe and learn on her own.
While she is asleep, I find it hard not to stare at her, I just cannot help but stare. She is so adorable and peaceful. Then I get that feeling that I'm sure all mothers of more than one kid has got. The "I feel a little bad about springing a sibling on my only child right now." I wish there was a way to explain it to her, but I know she cannot grasp it at the moment. I let her know there is a baby in my belly, she knows the word baby, but I can tell she gets super confused when I say baby and point to my belly. I love the time we spend together, the pointless cuddles, the afternoon naps, the solo trips to the park or store. No more. She'll have to learn to share "Mama." I think/hope she'll do ok. ((sigh)) We shall see, in what...17 weeks?