So Sad

My parents dog, the dog I grew up with, has gone missing. I've had this dog since I was 11. I'm so sad. I am more sad for my father though. Mickey (my dog) and my father we buddies. They did everything around the house together. So as you could imagine my father is bummed to say the least.
Here is what happened. My dad always lets Mickey out in the front yard in the morning and leaves our porch door open and he watches him as he makes coffee. Well I guess my dad turned around for five minutes and Mickey was gone. Mickey never really "runs away", he is trained pretty well, but, he is very old,14 years old, and with age comes forgetfulness. He tends to wander and forget how to get home, poor guy. So that's is what happened and now we can't find him, we've looked everywhere. To make matters seem more dim, it's rained very hard for the past two days that he has been missing and he is terrified of thunderstorms, plus he has epilepsy since he was a pup. My heart is truly broken. I remember all the memories we had when I was little, dressing him up, taking him to the park, meeting new dogs. We've made signs to put up, but I don't have much hope really. I don't mean to be pessimistic, but I'm trying to be realistic, honestly, I just don't tell my dad how I feel. Here are some pictures of mickey, is the small fuzz ball in picture. That big gray horse is my Great Dane 'Harley', and in the second picture, you can see my Doberman Pincher 'Duke'.



In other news, Lily is on a nursing strike and it's about to drive me insane! This has been going on for almost a week and my boobies need some relief! She will nurse for a minute maybe and unlatch and start crying and wiggling. I am blaming it on teething but I haven't seen her teeth make any progress, and honestly I'm going crazy! I personally don't think she is getting enough to eat, but I'm her mother, so I tend to overreact to these types of things. I honestly don't know what to do. I've tried giving her some homeopathic teething relief before nursing, that helped a little but she still won't stay latched on. As soon as my milk comes through, she lets go. IT'S SO ANNOYING! I've tried giving her a bottle....nope, doesn't work. Any moms with experience with this? I would really appreciate your help, I don't know what to do!

Same ol'crap......different day

Nothing new here, nothing exciting. I had a couple of things I want to blog about, but I'll do it later when I have more time.
Lily has been teething for a couple of days now. I can see the bottom front tooth, it just needs to break through the gum. Her temperament hasn't really changed, she is the same happy silly baby.
On another note, I have a cold......again. I hate this, I always wash my hands, sanitize, I don't touch handles, door knobs or anything like that with a bare hand, and if I do....I wash my hands right away. You may say that's obsessive, but I'm sorry, people are disgusting. A lot of people don't wash their hands after using the bathroom, I've seen people pick their nose and touch a door knob...I have even seen people pick their butt and touch something public, like a guard rail. It's gross, and I rather not share that person's butt particles...thanks. Also, I'm a stay-at-home mom, so I don't even go in public enough to get a cold for a second time in three months...what gives?!
Well, I can't complain, I know I got it easy compared to a lot of others.
I will leave you with some pictures of Lilian eating her organic teething biscu
its. I put them in order of messyness.

I am having a hard time

((sigh)) So as we all know babies grow up, right? And my little Lilian is no exception, unfortunately. And as our babies develop and grow we as parents have the responsibility to teach them new things, whether they want to or not. Here is my dilemma, my Lily does not like to sleep through the night, if she's in bed with me she will for the most part, because she'll nurse on and off through out the night. Now this doesn't really bother me too much, but I realize as she is getting older she needs to learn how to sleep on her own, and I need to teach her that she doesn't need me to put her to asleep and stay asleep.
Every now and then I put her in her crib if it's time to sleep and she's tired. I'll make sure that she is completely full and clean and doesn't need a thing. Of course she cries, and I'll check in on her a minute of two after she cries and give her a pacifier and reassure her. After about ten minutes, she is sleeping. But I'm having such a hard time showing her that she can do this on her own. When I hear her cry my heart breaks and I feel like I'm neglecting her. I feel like she is thinking "Why is my mother not coming to me? Did I do something wrong?" I feel so bad. I guess my question is, if I keep going down this path, the path of letting her sleep with me and me coming and picking her up after every cry, will she ever learn? Am I doing the right thing by trying to teach her to soothe herself? I wish I could ask her.
I guess I'll just have to see if this works out, I wish my heart didn't have to break everytime I heard her cry.
Anyways.....here is a picture of Lilian with her puppy duke, it's fuzzy because it's from camera phone. She loves his ears!

Lily's first time at the beach

Lily and her Daddy


Look at that smile!


Looking at the sunset


The first time her bum has felt sand.

Ten things.....

about me not a lot people know.

1. I used to write poetry, all the time, everyday. I have a library of journals filled with my poetry. I don't ever go back and read them though......too depressing. I stopped writing of course.
2. I love listening to sad songs or angry songs. I don't know why, I just do. I love the overwhelming feeling of emotions that a song has, a good song that is. I personally think that music is one of the most incredible ways humans express feelings, emotions and stories, it's amazing.
3. I have three tattoos. If it was up to me, I'd be completely covered in them, love'em. My husband refuses to let me get more. Now "let me" isn't the correct term, because he would never forbid me to do something, I guess we just don't see 'eye to eye' on this situation, so I just leave it alone. But if we ever divorce....sleeve tattoos HERE I COME! hah. I kid.
4. If I'm home, I'm naked, or close to it. I hate wearing clothes. This becomes a problem when we have guest stay over or we go and stay at a family's house, I feel so uncomfortable sleeping dressed, it's unnatural. I'm never aware of open windows either, I can't tell you home many times I've been walking around in my birthday suit and freeze in front of a window, realizing the neighborhood has a perfect shot of my goods. Oops. Oh well. They shouldn't be looking in my windows!
   
5. I listen to Country music. Yup. That's right, I admit it. My husband says it's not real country, but poppy country. Whatever. I like it, it has emotion, let be happy, loved, sad and the female and male vocals are actually good. So I'm not ashamed, I just don't always blare it.
6. I ALWAYS have a hair elastic on my right wrist....always. Even if my hair is already up in a ponytail, I still have a elastic on my wrist. It's a OCD thing I guess. I never leave the house without one, I will seriously turn around and go back in the house if I notice one is not on my wrist. I have very long hair (two inches above my butt) and I live in Florida, it's hot all the damn time, so let me put it like this for you: Long hair+ Florida= elastic.
7. Back to the OCD thing. One other thing that I have to have a certain way is my bed sheets. They have to bed just right before I go to bed every night. The comforter has to be aligned correctly, the sheet has to be tight, the pillows have to be fluffed and in the right place. My husband thinks I'm nuts...it's a comfort thing.
   
8. I have seperation aniexty. I have such a hard time leaving my daughter and going out. It's true. When I leave her, I'm ok for an hour, but after that I start getting nervous. Did I pump enough milk for her? Is she wondering why I left? Is she sleeping ok? It goes on and on and on....I need to deal with it seriously. Just the idea of leaving her for a weekend when she gets a little older give me a panic attack. Wow. I hope I am not a smothering mom when she gets older....ugh.
9. I used to sing....and pretty damn good if I do say so myself. I was in professional chorus for almost 10 years. I was considered an Alto. For those who don't know, Alto is the one tone deeper than the lightest voice tone. It goes Soprano, Alto, Bass and Tenor. I started smoking cigarettes and stopped singing, it all went down hill from there. I dont' smoke anymore.
   
10. I love being a mother. Well I love my little Lilian. I am terrified to have another baby though. I am terrified to go through the newborn stage and everything. I worry so much with Lilian, about everything. I worry when she gets sick, if she'll get sick, etc. I know it's boarderline a mental condition I guess you can say, but I don't know if I could ever not worry as much as I do.
    

Well there you have it. If I left anything out that you want to know.....let me know! Hope I'm not insanely boring for you all.

I am a horrible blogger

Sorry it's been so long since I've made a post. I don't really have a excuse or reason. I haven't been more busy than usual, I just have not had the motivation to write. I'm just going to make a bullet point post. If any of you guys can think of something you would like for me to write about....Let me know. I am more than willing to give my view points on anything or answer questions you might have.......whatever floats your boat. On to the bullet points!!

• My little cousin, we'll call D. was born on Monday. He is the son of my first cousin (which we are very close) So that makes him my second counsin,right? Anyways, he is stinking adorable...I'll have to post some pictures later on. He is a small little peanut, only 4lbs and 6oz, 18 inches long. But, he has gained 5oz in 5 days and is breast feeding beautifully, I'm already proud of him. Did I mention he is adorable?

• This had kinda been bothering me, nothing big, it's just something I've noticed. I don't know how the popular singers and performers are nowadays. Now that might sounds stupid, but when I see adverstisements and commercials for these popular singers and bands....I'm thinking "who are these jokers?" "Why haven't I heard of them?" And then it makes me feel very old. It makes me feel old because I'm sitting here thinking how horrible they are dressed and that these females "performers" need to put some stinking clothes on and get a voice, instead of using their double "D's" to get a record contract. Am I really that old? Pretty soon I'm going to be wagging my fingers at some whipper snappers......aw jeez.

• Yeah...that's right...I'm gonna do...I'm going to talk about the H1N1 virus (swine flu). Dom Dom Dom. I hate when stupid things like the H1N1 virus gets so hyped up in the media. I understand that it can be potentially dangerous.....for certain people. BUT, this virus has barely put any american's in the hospital. The CDC stated that the vast majority of people in America that have contracted the virus didn't even know they did and were back to their normal still within the week. Why the hell is everyone freaking out?! It's because a new virus out of season is upon us...something else we have to deal with that will put us out of commision for umm I don't know two weeks tops? The only thing that bothers me is that these virus' come up...yes...it's inevitable, but why don't we worry about the people that we need to worry about? Like the elderly and the young children? We do not have any treatments for young children if, God forbid, they catch this virus. What are we supposed to do if a child under 1 year catches it? Cross our fingers and hope they are ok? How about we (the fairly young and healthy adults) not worry about catching this virus, because face it.....it's a 99% that if we do catch it, we will feel terrible for several days, but in the end we will be fine, and we put our enegy towards helping others that can't afford to catch it. Like our grandparents and little ones? That's just my opinion.
• My last bullet! I just want to thank you guys that actually read my blog...I didn't even think anyone would take the time to do so. It honestly means a lot.. So if you are reading...let me know you are and leave a comment. I want to know what you all think! Thanks for taking the time. Well I got to go....Lilian is calling!