Waves

I've been very emotional lately.

I don't know why. Hormones? I don't know where my hormones are at, so I can't say for sure.
But I'm all over the place with everything.

I feel mean and bitchy one second, and sincere and sweet the next. I'm overjoyed and appreciative, and then the next I'm overwhelmed and trapped. I have the patience of a nun and snap like a caged animal. ((sigh)) I am crying at the dumbest things....and nothing at all. I'm exhausted....it's physically making me tired. Whew. That felt good to write. I've kept this in for over a week now.

I don't let my tides of emotions out, for Lilian's sake really, plus I don't want to drive my husband crazy, he has enough stress, honestly.

This constant set of waves has me in a slump. A crappy slump I cannot get out of. Everyday I do exactly what is required of me as a mother and wife...and I sign out. I don't think I'm depressed really, I know how that feels. I'm in a mental state of laziness...extended stay.

Well in Lili news...she is awesome. She is running everywhere, growing so much everyday that it brings tears to my eyes. I've come to realization that I don't have a baby anymore, and then I wish I would have cherished her baby days even more, instead of being so stressed. But what can you do? So instead I just squeeze her as tight as I can....sometimes too tight and she squeaks..oops.

I wanted to ask all of you moms out there, what makes you a special mom? What part of your mother-child relationship do cherish the most that makes you special? For example, with my mom, I know, no matter what, she is there for me, at the drop of a dime, she is right there when I need her. With Lilian I try the same. I am always right there with her. I want her to feel no matter what she can count on me. She never has to feel scared if I am there to comfort her, to pick her up, to 'shhh' her, whatever she needs, in my power, I will provide. And if it's not in my power, I will find a way. So tell me, what makes you special?