I have a few friends that have children around Lilian's age, give or take a month or two. Now, no two mom's are the same and of course I realize that and there are several things that I did extremely different than them. I'm not saying I'm better by any means, just different. One thing that I saw that we did different and tried putting myself in their shoe and just absolutely couldn't, was being a working mom.
I understand that sometimes this subject is touchy for some, but I really don't care. I am not posting this for working moms to defend themselves, I'm posting this to give everyone a stay-at-home-mom's point of view, or rather, fear. Back to my post->
I've even babysat for said friends, and to see the little one run as fast as they can to reach the door before the parent leaves, honestly, is beyond heartbreaking, and they are not even my child. This happened for well over two months, with no change in this child's reaction. After about two hours (yes, two hours of holding him, cuddling, bottle feeding and rocking.) he'd calm down a little, but anything would set him off. If he'd trip, not fall, just trip, he'd break down crying and run to the front door and bang on it and call "mama."
I know not every child is like this, but honestly, I rather be broke as hell, than have my child feel like I abandoned them everyday like this child honestly felt. When I looked into his eyes, I saw he was scared, not of me or Lili, but it looked like he was scared because he didn't know what was going to happen. When I held him against me, he felt a little better, and I'm guessing because I somewhat substituted the feeling his mother gave him, the feeling he was crying for. I could never subject Lilian to this, ever. There are times that I just closed my eyes and pictured me dropping Lilian off at some daycare and walking away, I literally get teary eyed and goose bumps. I know she'd cry until she would hiccup, I know she wouldn't understand why I was still walking away from her even though I hear her crying, I know she wouldn't know when I was coming back or why I was leaving her in the first place. I couldn't let Lilian feel that insecurity, because I'm her mother, I am her security, at least at the this age.
AGAIN, I am not saying working mothers suck or do a horrible job, blah blah blah. I'm just saying I couldn't do it and I know how my child would feel and I feel I couldn't let her feel like that if I had the power to prevent it.
I have never left Lilian with anyone other than her father or my mother, two people she feels just as close to as me. I will NEVER leave her with anyone else. Call me prude, overprotective, whatever, I call it safe and secure. She loves her father to pieces and she loves my mom, she trust them, she feels SAFE with them and that is what matters. There have been plenty of times I had to strap Lilian to me and bring her to a GYN appointment or something similiar because my husband or mother weren't available. Do I have other relatives or friends there? Of course, would I trust them? Maybe. Would Lilian? No. And that answer means Lilian is coming with me.
You know when I think about it, I can see that maybe I am just as scared as Lilian to have ever put her in a daycare, I guess that makes me a little overprotective, but honestly I couldn't careless, because we have a awesome bond. A bond that I never could have imagined I would ever have with my daughter. I understand that me not being able to let her go to just anyone makes me seem a little over the top or wimp-ish, but again, I don't care. I look at it as this. I got pregnant with the mind set that my full time job for the next18 years is going to be a mother. Not a half-ass mom (not saying working mom's are...just listen.) were I am going to keep going out, acting young. I am going to do my best in every quality of Lilian's or any of my children's life. That means treat my pregnancy with the highest care and treat my infant to best care etc. One of those things was for me to stay at home and be the one that raises my child, not someone else.
So when Lil'Peanut gets here, I'm going to be her daycare too, because I think that's the way she would rather have it. Are we going to be broke? Yes. But does Lilian and Peanut have the most toys and clothes on the block? Yes. Are they still well fed and get the best diapers? Yes. And that is what matters.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
I captured the cute-ness
With the awesome weather we have been having, Lilian has been to park more often. She loves it....I love watching her smile, so it's a win-win situation. I took some adorable pictures...observe (by the way, ignore the date stamp on the photos, they are completely incorrect, I totally messed it up somehow.):
In other news, Lilian's vocabulary is getting cuter by the day. She of course waves and says "hi" and "bye". She also nods and says "no", she barks at our two dogs (more about that later.) she says "choo choo" when you ask her "what sound does a train make?". She says "thanks" when you hand her something she is asking for, OH and the most hilarious one? She heard me call Jace a couple of times, so she was copy me and shout "JACE!" soooo funny.
As you may notice because of my semi-creepy widget to the right, I am going to be 20 weeks tomorrow.I can't wait to go shopping for little Miss. Peanut,get the girl's rooms in order etc. etc. SO exciting!. It's going to be so fun.
In other news, Lilian's vocabulary is getting cuter by the day. She of course waves and says "hi" and "bye". She also nods and says "no", she barks at our two dogs (more about that later.) she says "choo choo" when you ask her "what sound does a train make?". She says "thanks" when you hand her something she is asking for, OH and the most hilarious one? She heard me call Jace a couple of times, so she was copy me and shout "JACE!" soooo funny.
As you may notice because of my semi-creepy widget to the right, I am going to be 20 weeks tomorrow.I can't wait to go shopping for little Miss. Peanut,get the girl's rooms in order etc. etc. SO exciting!. It's going to be so fun.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Moving right along...
I am 17 weeks today. YAY. My widget to the right confirms it.
Time is flying with this pregnancy. I'm enjoying it,but as soon as I reach one milestone, I am anxiously anticipating the next, like it couldn't come fast enough. I did this with Lilian and once she was born, I really missed rubbing my belly and feeling her move around inside. What am I saying? That I really need to calm down and realize that I will miss this and I need to take it all in. I mean after all this might be my last pregnancy....so the sperm donor says. We shall see.
There are many times in my pregnancy that I've been so busy and exhausted with Lili, that I've completely forgot I was even pregnant. And then I get all excited remembering I'm carrying another little girl, then I proceed to squeal like a little girl.
I need to slow down. Physically though. I push my self too hard during the day with Lilian, picking her up, bending over...when I KNOW my back can't take it, and then I end up paying for it. Not to mention I am not eating an extra 100-200 extra calories like I am supposed to. By this time in my pregnancy I should have gained 5-10lbs, you know how much I've gained? 3......3 lousy pounds. Which was a lot of work for me, considering the horrible stomach bug I caught in my first trimester that made me lose 6lbs. So I guess technically I gained 9lbs. I have so much to do...and I have a headache to boot. I have to write a story for my brother's zine, which is quite popular...he is very talented, and that's not the biased sister talking, he is very smart, it makes my head hurt sometimes. Then I have to catch up on my poetry, because I'm slacking...what else is new. OH. And I have to feed Lilian. HAH. Can't forget that.
So Let me cut this SO interesting post short.
Time is flying with this pregnancy. I'm enjoying it,but as soon as I reach one milestone, I am anxiously anticipating the next, like it couldn't come fast enough. I did this with Lilian and once she was born, I really missed rubbing my belly and feeling her move around inside. What am I saying? That I really need to calm down and realize that I will miss this and I need to take it all in. I mean after all this might be my last pregnancy....so the sperm donor says. We shall see.
There are many times in my pregnancy that I've been so busy and exhausted with Lili, that I've completely forgot I was even pregnant. And then I get all excited remembering I'm carrying another little girl, then I proceed to squeal like a little girl.
I need to slow down. Physically though. I push my self too hard during the day with Lilian, picking her up, bending over...when I KNOW my back can't take it, and then I end up paying for it. Not to mention I am not eating an extra 100-200 extra calories like I am supposed to. By this time in my pregnancy I should have gained 5-10lbs, you know how much I've gained? 3......3 lousy pounds. Which was a lot of work for me, considering the horrible stomach bug I caught in my first trimester that made me lose 6lbs. So I guess technically I gained 9lbs. I have so much to do...and I have a headache to boot. I have to write a story for my brother's zine, which is quite popular...he is very talented, and that's not the biased sister talking, he is very smart, it makes my head hurt sometimes. Then I have to catch up on my poetry, because I'm slacking...what else is new. OH. And I have to feed Lilian. HAH. Can't forget that.
So Let me cut this SO interesting post short.
Monday, March 22, 2010
My Morning
I wake up in a world that is soft and pink.
With little brown eyes staring, without a blink.
She tells me a story every morning.
It's never one I understand....but I'm learning.
I hold her in my arms for as long as I can, under the cover.
I close my eyes, breath, and think... "wow, I'm her mother."
Her brown curls dance on my face
I live in a world of laughs and lace.
Every morning she is warm with happiness
Every morning I melt, other problems are pointless.
My mornings, my days are my reminders.
My mornings, my days are my saviors.
I wake up in a world that is smiling and glowing
With long eye lashes, I fell the love flowing.
With little brown eyes staring, without a blink.
She tells me a story every morning.
It's never one I understand....but I'm learning.
I hold her in my arms for as long as I can, under the cover.
I close my eyes, breath, and think... "wow, I'm her mother."
Her brown curls dance on my face
I live in a world of laughs and lace.
Every morning she is warm with happiness
Every morning I melt, other problems are pointless.
My mornings, my days are my reminders.
My mornings, my days are my saviors.
I wake up in a world that is smiling and glowing
With long eye lashes, I fell the love flowing.
This is a sample of my new blog "I am written"
If you want to check it out click here
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Let me just vent a little...
I will start off with a disclaimer. This is a vent, a vent usually consists of a one sided arguement that can easily offend others, especially if you caused or are the subject of said vent. So if any of that applies to you or you are just easily offended, please stop reading now....thanks.
I've expressed numerous times that I hate mother or parenting boards, for sooo many reasons, but for two in particular.
First, if a mother is doing something in particular in reference to child rearing, she usually thinks she is the best. Which, in some case, is fine, that's an opinion, and you are free to have it, but please, keep it to your self, because honestly, we care less. Also, it's just plain annoying when you gloat, because again, we couldn't care less that you are still rear facing your child in the their car seat, or you only feed organic or whatever. It doesn't make you a better mother, only a loud mouth that looks to put others down and put your self on a pedestal.
Second, well this one is kind of a two-fer. First, are the mothers that are totally oblivous to the things they are doing that are wrong in a sense of either health wise or just plain stupid. For example, one mother stated how she gave her baby ben.adry.l every night to put her to sleep.....and the second part of this two-fer kind of goes hand in hand with the first, not a SINGLE PERSON said what she was doing was wrong, but OH god forbid you say that you started giving you baby cow's milk at 11 months, and they jump on you like a herd of hungry hyena's! Another example is pretty common, a mother constantly complains about her relationship status. Her boyfriend is always wishy-washy, never see's them, blah blah blah or the husband might be cheating, they are getting a divorce blah blah blah. And then, what happens? Her period is late and she is/might be pregnant. Please don't complain about it if you voluntarily spread your legs and made a baby with the man you constantly seek consoling support from other people with. You are an adult, you know how babies are made, either you are having problems and need to repair your marriage/relationship and I understand, you can shortly make up or your nether regions get the best of you for a minute, but here is a crazy, outlandish concept: USE BIRTH CONTROL! If you are having severe enough relationship/marriage problems that you feel is completely necessary to complain about your significant other to complete strangers ALL THE TIME, you are not ready to bring a child in to the enviroment, it's possible damaging and possible will hinder any chance of the relationship healing or getting better. Be an adult, please. Someone in the situation needs to be. I mean if you can procreate, it should be required that you act like an adult, right?
Now I know that I am completely guilty of lurking on these sites. And I know what you are muttering to your computer screen right now. "Why or why Larissa, are you lurking if it bothers you so much?" Well, ladies, I feel as a mother, I have a right to lurk or maybe even particpate in conversations pertaining to my child to seek advice or give others advice that I may know one to two things about, WITHOUT having to hear or read rather, stupid stupid stupid post. I am just asking for mother or just parents in general to act decent, treat a board decent, treat others decent and please for the sake of your children ACT LIKE AN ADULT.
Anyways, when these mothers, complain or talk about their relationship problems, others are usually sympathetic, which is fine. But as soon as she makes a mistake, instead of giving her some real advice they do the politically correct dance. Which as I was lurking recently, have seen happen, and I noticed that someone made a Anon post and kind of said, what others where probably thing. I'm pretty against anonymous comments or replies, I figure, if you have something to say, you shouldn't be scared, and if you are, maybe you shouldn't say it in the first place. But I believe her comment wasn't totally wrong, now she could have phrased it a little nicer, but her point got across and instead of others saying what they were thinking, they were all sugar coating the situation. I digress. All in all, I got my vent out.
That's all. You don't even know how much better I feel....woooosaw.
I've expressed numerous times that I hate mother or parenting boards, for sooo many reasons, but for two in particular.
First, if a mother is doing something in particular in reference to child rearing, she usually thinks she is the best. Which, in some case, is fine, that's an opinion, and you are free to have it, but please, keep it to your self, because honestly, we care less. Also, it's just plain annoying when you gloat, because again, we couldn't care less that you are still rear facing your child in the their car seat, or you only feed organic or whatever. It doesn't make you a better mother, only a loud mouth that looks to put others down and put your self on a pedestal.
Second, well this one is kind of a two-fer. First, are the mothers that are totally oblivous to the things they are doing that are wrong in a sense of either health wise or just plain stupid. For example, one mother stated how she gave her baby ben.adry.l every night to put her to sleep.....and the second part of this two-fer kind of goes hand in hand with the first, not a SINGLE PERSON said what she was doing was wrong, but OH god forbid you say that you started giving you baby cow's milk at 11 months, and they jump on you like a herd of hungry hyena's! Another example is pretty common, a mother constantly complains about her relationship status. Her boyfriend is always wishy-washy, never see's them, blah blah blah or the husband might be cheating, they are getting a divorce blah blah blah. And then, what happens? Her period is late and she is/might be pregnant. Please don't complain about it if you voluntarily spread your legs and made a baby with the man you constantly seek consoling support from other people with. You are an adult, you know how babies are made, either you are having problems and need to repair your marriage/relationship and I understand, you can shortly make up or your nether regions get the best of you for a minute, but here is a crazy, outlandish concept: USE BIRTH CONTROL! If you are having severe enough relationship/marriage problems that you feel is completely necessary to complain about your significant other to complete strangers ALL THE TIME, you are not ready to bring a child in to the enviroment, it's possible damaging and possible will hinder any chance of the relationship healing or getting better. Be an adult, please. Someone in the situation needs to be. I mean if you can procreate, it should be required that you act like an adult, right?
Now I know that I am completely guilty of lurking on these sites. And I know what you are muttering to your computer screen right now. "Why or why Larissa, are you lurking if it bothers you so much?" Well, ladies, I feel as a mother, I have a right to lurk or maybe even particpate in conversations pertaining to my child to seek advice or give others advice that I may know one to two things about, WITHOUT having to hear or read rather, stupid stupid stupid post. I am just asking for mother or just parents in general to act decent, treat a board decent, treat others decent and please for the sake of your children ACT LIKE AN ADULT.
Anyways, when these mothers, complain or talk about their relationship problems, others are usually sympathetic, which is fine. But as soon as she makes a mistake, instead of giving her some real advice they do the politically correct dance. Which as I was lurking recently, have seen happen, and I noticed that someone made a Anon post and kind of said, what others where probably thing. I'm pretty against anonymous comments or replies, I figure, if you have something to say, you shouldn't be scared, and if you are, maybe you shouldn't say it in the first place. But I believe her comment wasn't totally wrong, now she could have phrased it a little nicer, but her point got across and instead of others saying what they were thinking, they were all sugar coating the situation. I digress. All in all, I got my vent out.
That's all. You don't even know how much better I feel....woooosaw.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
My heart, blood and Sex.
I realized I forgot to mention a lot of things in my past posts. I suck. The things I left out were pretty important too.
Like the outcome of my Cardiologist appointment, how did I forget to tell you all? One answer: I have pregnancy brain, for serious. I forget everything, and do the dumbest stuff...more on that later before I forget to tell you about my appointment.
So, I had a ultrasound done of my heart. It looks healthy, the correct size and no fluid or extra valves. To be on the safe side, I was given a holter monitor to wear for 24hrs. It was literally taped to me....I still have red marks from the tape...stupid tape. It was torture tape. I swear. During the 24hrs I wore the monitor, I had two palpitations and my heart beat went up to 140bpm. The doctor showed me how it looks on paper to have a palpitation, pretty scary looking. You see a normal, consistent heartbeat and then the lines go off the chart, my heart literally doesn't beat for a millisecond. And then he asked me what I was doing at 1:58pm while wearing the monitor. Honestly? Probably sleeping with my baby, if not, probably picking her up or something mundane. Nothing to excuse the fast heartbeat, but I don't even remember it. Maybe a bad dream? Hmmm.
A final summary. The doctor does not see a need for me to be medicated right now or in the near future. He blames the palpitations on my body being preoccupied with fighting something else at the time of the palpitations and going into "overdrive" causing the palpitations. Or, for the fact I'm pregnant and my body is changing physically and chemically. So far, they have tapered off and I'm doing well.
On to the blood portion of my post.
Well I went to my OB to have a update on my ultrasound. While doing the ultrasound, the tech looked and looked for the blood collection in my uterus to see how big it's gotten. Guess what we found? NOTHING! It's gone! WooHoo! My body re-absorbed it. How awesome. Most likely, I will be taken off of pelvic rest....that would be so great. Also during the ultrasound it was found that I've been having Braxton Hicks, which according to my tech is completely normal. I guess. Still a little unnerving. So I'm going to bring it up to my doctor next appointment. I know I've felt them, but I chalked up to be the baby pressing or stretching, guess not.
SEX!
HAH.
Ok, and for the sex part of my post?
Well we found out the sex of the baby! Want to guess? The photo of the goods are below! I covered a piece of the picture with a paper...it stated the gender.
The photo is small, sorry.
So are you ready?
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
It's a girl!
Like the outcome of my Cardiologist appointment, how did I forget to tell you all? One answer: I have pregnancy brain, for serious. I forget everything, and do the dumbest stuff...more on that later before I forget to tell you about my appointment.
So, I had a ultrasound done of my heart. It looks healthy, the correct size and no fluid or extra valves. To be on the safe side, I was given a holter monitor to wear for 24hrs. It was literally taped to me....I still have red marks from the tape...stupid tape. It was torture tape. I swear. During the 24hrs I wore the monitor, I had two palpitations and my heart beat went up to 140bpm. The doctor showed me how it looks on paper to have a palpitation, pretty scary looking. You see a normal, consistent heartbeat and then the lines go off the chart, my heart literally doesn't beat for a millisecond. And then he asked me what I was doing at 1:58pm while wearing the monitor. Honestly? Probably sleeping with my baby, if not, probably picking her up or something mundane. Nothing to excuse the fast heartbeat, but I don't even remember it. Maybe a bad dream? Hmmm.
A final summary. The doctor does not see a need for me to be medicated right now or in the near future. He blames the palpitations on my body being preoccupied with fighting something else at the time of the palpitations and going into "overdrive" causing the palpitations. Or, for the fact I'm pregnant and my body is changing physically and chemically. So far, they have tapered off and I'm doing well.
On to the blood portion of my post.
Well I went to my OB to have a update on my ultrasound. While doing the ultrasound, the tech looked and looked for the blood collection in my uterus to see how big it's gotten. Guess what we found? NOTHING! It's gone! WooHoo! My body re-absorbed it. How awesome. Most likely, I will be taken off of pelvic rest....that would be so great. Also during the ultrasound it was found that I've been having Braxton Hicks, which according to my tech is completely normal. I guess. Still a little unnerving. So I'm going to bring it up to my doctor next appointment. I know I've felt them, but I chalked up to be the baby pressing or stretching, guess not.
SEX!
HAH.
Ok, and for the sex part of my post?
Well we found out the sex of the baby! Want to guess? The photo of the goods are below! I covered a piece of the picture with a paper...it stated the gender.
The photo is small, sorry.So are you ready?
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
It's a girl!
Monday, March 15, 2010
I love it...really.
My favorite part of pregnancy is being huge and feeling the baby constantly moving around, I love it. When I was pregnant with Lilian, the pregnancy was a breeze. Jace used to tell me " I bet other women would hate you for how easy your pregnancy is going." Oh, was it easy. I didn't get sick, I could eat anything ( um yeah...I gained 40lbs while pregnant with her.) I didn't have any complications and she grew like she needed too, plus I had a easy labor and natural delivery. This pregnancy? Not such a breeze...I guess the universe needs to balance out and give me a little bit a rough time in one of my pregnancies.
I was crazy sick for while, I lost about a total of six pounds in a week, I'm still pretty sensitive about food, so I haven't really been able to gain it back.
Oh and not to mention to whole car accident debockle that is still putting my pregnancy at risk.
With Lilian, I was able to have good sleep up until the third trimester....this time around? Not so much. I get so congested at night, my belly feel so big already, so to find a decent position is annoying.
My point is, this pregnancy is making me realize how ignortant I was to think everything would just as smooth as my first pregnancy. I mean I was even in a car accident while pregnant with Lilian, at the same gestation as this pregnancy and everything was fine with Lilian, no bleeding. I love being pregnant, so all these little things that are making this pregnancy different aren't even phasing me really, let's just hope that my labor and delivery at least stays the same.
I was crazy sick for while, I lost about a total of six pounds in a week, I'm still pretty sensitive about food, so I haven't really been able to gain it back.
Oh and not to mention to whole car accident debockle that is still putting my pregnancy at risk.
With Lilian, I was able to have good sleep up until the third trimester....this time around? Not so much. I get so congested at night, my belly feel so big already, so to find a decent position is annoying.
My point is, this pregnancy is making me realize how ignortant I was to think everything would just as smooth as my first pregnancy. I mean I was even in a car accident while pregnant with Lilian, at the same gestation as this pregnancy and everything was fine with Lilian, no bleeding. I love being pregnant, so all these little things that are making this pregnancy different aren't even phasing me really, let's just hope that my labor and delivery at least stays the same.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
