Moving right along...

I am 17 weeks today. YAY. My widget to the right confirms it.
Time is flying with this pregnancy. I'm enjoying it,but as soon as I reach one milestone, I am anxiously anticipating the next, like it couldn't come fast enough. I did this with Lilian and once she was born, I really missed rubbing my belly and feeling her move around inside. What am I saying? That I really need to calm down and realize that I will miss this and I need to take it all in. I mean after all this might be my last pregnancy....so the sperm donor says. We shall see.
There are many times in my pregnancy that I've been so busy and exhausted with Lili, that I've completely forgot I was even pregnant. And then I get all excited remembering I'm carrying another little girl, then I proceed to squeal like a little girl.
I need to slow down. Physically though. I push my self too hard during the day with Lilian, picking her up, bending over...when I KNOW my back can't take it, and then I end up paying for it. Not to mention I am not eating an extra 100-200 extra calories like I am supposed to. By this time in my pregnancy I should have gained 5-10lbs, you know how much I've gained? 3......3 lousy pounds. Which was a lot of work for me, considering the horrible stomach bug I caught in my first trimester that made me lose 6lbs. So I guess technically I gained 9lbs. I have so much to do...and I have a headache to boot. I have to write a story for my brother's zine, which is quite popular...he is very talented, and that's not the biased sister talking, he is very smart, it makes my head hurt sometimes. Then I have to catch up on my poetry, because I'm slacking...what else is new. OH. And I have to feed Lilian. HAH. Can't forget that.
So Let me cut this SO interesting post short.

My Morning

I wake up in a world that is soft and pink.
With little brown eyes staring, without a blink.
She tells me a story every morning.
It's never one I understand....but I'm learning.
I hold her in my arms for as long as I can, under the cover.
I close my eyes, breath, and think... "wow, I'm her mother."
Her brown curls dance on my face
I live in a world of laughs and lace.
Every morning she is warm with happiness
Every morning I melt, other problems are pointless.
My mornings, my days are my reminders.
My mornings, my days are my saviors.
I wake up in a world that is smiling and glowing
With long eye lashes, I fell the love flowing.

This is a sample of my new blog "I am written"
If you want to check it out click here

Let me just vent a little...

I will start off with a disclaimer. This is a vent, a vent usually consists of a one sided arguement that can easily offend others, especially if you caused or are the subject of said vent. So if any of that applies to you or you are just easily offended, please stop reading now....thanks.

I've expressed numerous times that I hate mother or parenting boards, for sooo many reasons, but for two in particular.
First, if a mother is doing something in particular in reference to child rearing, she usually thinks she is the best. Which, in some case, is fine, that's an opinion, and you are free to have it, but please, keep it to your self, because honestly, we care less. Also, it's just plain annoying when you gloat, because again, we couldn't care less that you are still rear facing your child in the their car seat, or you only feed organic or whatever. It doesn't make you a better mother, only a loud mouth that looks to put others down and put your self on a pedestal.

Second, well this one is kind of a two-fer. First, are the mothers that are totally oblivous to the things they are doing that are wrong in a sense of either health wise or just plain stupid. For example, one mother stated how she gave her baby ben.adry.l every night to put her to sleep.....and the second part of this two-fer kind of goes hand in hand with the first, not a SINGLE PERSON said what she was doing was wrong, but OH god forbid you say that you started giving you baby cow's milk at 11 months, and they jump on you like a herd of hungry hyena's! Another example is pretty common, a mother constantly complains about her relationship status. Her boyfriend is always wishy-washy, never see's them, blah blah blah or the husband might be cheating, they are getting a divorce blah blah blah. And then, what happens? Her period is late and she is/might be pregnant. Please don't complain about it if you voluntarily spread your legs and made a baby with the man you constantly seek consoling support from other people with. You are an adult, you know how babies are made, either you are having problems and need to repair your marriage/relationship and I understand, you can shortly make up or your nether regions get the best of you for a minute, but here is a crazy, outlandish concept: USE BIRTH CONTROL! If you are having severe enough relationship/marriage problems that you feel is completely necessary to complain about your significant other to complete strangers ALL THE TIME, you are not ready to bring a child in to the enviroment, it's possible damaging and possible will hinder any chance of the relationship healing or getting better. Be an adult, please. Someone in the situation needs to be. I mean if you can procreate, it should be required that you act like an adult, right?

Now I know that I am completely guilty of lurking on these sites. And I know what you are muttering to your computer screen right now. "Why or why Larissa, are you lurking if it bothers you so much?" Well, ladies, I feel as a mother, I have a right to lurk or maybe even particpate in conversations pertaining to my child to seek advice or give others advice that I may know one to two things about, WITHOUT having to hear or read rather, stupid stupid stupid post. I am just asking for mother or just parents in general to act decent, treat a board decent, treat others decent and please for the sake of your children ACT LIKE AN ADULT.
Anyways, when these mothers, complain or talk about their relationship problems, others are usually sympathetic, which is fine. But as soon as she makes a mistake, instead of giving her some real advice they do the politically correct dance. Which as I was lurking recently, have seen happen, and I noticed that someone made a Anon post and kind of said, what others where probably thing. I'm pretty against anonymous comments or replies, I figure, if you have something to say, you shouldn't be scared, and if you are, maybe you shouldn't say it in the first place. But I believe her comment wasn't totally wrong, now she could have phrased it a little nicer, but her point got across and instead of others saying what they were thinking, they were all sugar coating the situation. I digress. All in all, I got my vent out.


That's all. You don't even know how much better I feel....woooosaw.

My heart, blood and Sex.

I realized I forgot to mention a lot of things in my past posts. I suck. The things I left out were pretty important too.
Like the outcome of my Cardiologist appointment, how did I forget to tell you all? One answer: I have pregnancy brain, for serious. I forget everything, and do the dumbest stuff...more on that later before I forget to tell you about my appointment.
So, I had a ultrasound done of my heart. It looks healthy, the correct size and no fluid or extra valves. To be on the safe side, I was given a holter monitor to wear for 24hrs. It was literally taped to me....I still have red marks from the tape...stupid tape. It was torture tape. I swear. During the 24hrs I wore the monitor, I had two palpitations and my heart beat went up to 140bpm. The doctor showed me how it looks on paper to have a palpitation, pretty scary looking. You see a normal, consistent heartbeat and then the lines go off the chart, my heart literally doesn't beat for a millisecond. And then he asked me what I was doing at 1:58pm while wearing the monitor. Honestly? Probably sleeping with my baby, if not, probably picking her up or something mundane. Nothing to excuse the fast heartbeat, but I don't even remember it. Maybe a bad dream? Hmmm.
A final summary. The doctor does not see a need for me to be medicated right now or in the near future. He blames the palpitations on my body being preoccupied with fighting something else at the time of the palpitations and going into "overdrive" causing the palpitations. Or, for the fact I'm pregnant and my body is changing physically and chemically. So far, they have tapered off and I'm doing well.

On to the blood portion of my post.
Well I went to my OB to have a update on my ultrasound. While doing the ultrasound, the tech looked and looked for the blood collection in my uterus to see how big it's gotten. Guess what we found? NOTHING! It's gone! WooHoo! My body re-absorbed it. How awesome. Most likely, I will be taken off of pelvic rest....that would be so great. Also during the ultrasound it was found that I've been having Braxton Hicks, which according to my tech is completely normal. I guess. Still a little unnerving. So I'm going to bring it up to my doctor next appointment. I know I've felt them, but I chalked up to be the baby pressing or stretching, guess not.


SEX!
HAH.
Ok, and for the sex part of my post?
Well we found out the sex of the baby! Want to guess? The photo of the goods are below! I covered a piece of the picture with a paper...it stated the gender.

The photo is small, sorry.
So are you ready?

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It's a girl!

I love it...really.

My favorite part of pregnancy is being huge and feeling the baby constantly moving around, I love it. When I was pregnant with Lilian, the pregnancy was a breeze. Jace used to tell me " I bet other women would hate you for how easy your pregnancy is going." Oh, was it easy. I didn't get sick, I could eat anything ( um yeah...I gained 40lbs while pregnant with her.) I didn't have any complications and she grew like she needed too, plus I had a easy labor and natural delivery. This pregnancy? Not such a breeze...I guess the universe needs to balance out and give me a little bit a rough time in one of my pregnancies.
I was crazy sick for while, I lost about a total of six pounds in a week, I'm still pretty sensitive about food, so I haven't really been able to gain it back.
Oh and not to mention to whole car accident debockle that is still putting my pregnancy at risk.
With Lilian, I was able to have good sleep up until the third trimester....this time around? Not so much. I get so congested at night, my belly feel so big already, so to find a decent position is annoying.

My point is, this pregnancy is making me realize how ignortant I was to think everything would just as smooth as my first pregnancy. I mean I was even in a car accident while pregnant with Lilian, at the same gestation as this pregnancy and everything was fine with Lilian, no bleeding. I love being pregnant, so all these little things that are making this pregnancy different aren't even phasing me really, let's just hope that my labor and delivery at least stays the same.

Where did my baby go?

Lilian just turned 17 months yesterday. Everyday, I see a little bit more of my "baby" is gone and toddler is taking over. She isn't as attached when we go out now, she literally runs to go find new things to get into....she listens when we call for her though. She is climbing on everything.....she seriously gives me a heart attack about 53 times a day, at least. Oh and she is talking up a storm. She says "Duke" a lot more clearly, along with barking at him when he comes inside. She can identify things when you ask her, she understands quite a bit. But, she is still very attached to me. When we go to gatherings where there are a lot of people, she hides behind my leg and holds on for dear life. She warms up to them, it just takes a second. For example, this weekend I brought Lilian to the spring cleaning of our church, there were a lot of people there. She was alittle grumpy, but she warmed up in no time...then she kicked a man's foot that was sitting on the curb eating his lunch.....she was a little iffy about the size of his shoe. Anyways, here are some pictures of her lately.

Broken Heart

My marriage is fine....my heart? Not so much. Well actually we don't know what's wrong, if anything really.

As long as I can remember I've had heart palpitations. I actually remember the very first time I felt a heart palpitation. I was in Kindergarten, on a field trip. It was time to leave and I was approaching the school bus, walking behind my mom (she was a chaperon) when it stopped me in my tracks. It felt like my heart had skipped a beat, it almost tickled, but I knew, even at that young age, it wasn't normal. My mom instantly saw me pause and my face change. She asked what had happened, and I explained the best a five year old could explain such a thing.

Anyways, fast forward almost twenty years, (wow) I have been having them quite frequently. I know that during pregnancy it's said to be normal, especially if you've had them previously. But, two things warrant a slight red flag in my situation....un-freaking-fortunately. First, while it is normal to have palpitations during pregnant, it is not normal to have them this early, regardless of having a previous condition or not. Second, I have had them very close together in a short period of time ( 7 of them in less than 45 minutes.) also some of them have actually made me light headed, which I know can be serious.

So once I explained my concerns to my doctor, which barely left my lips before he said "You are going to see a Cardiologist." So...there you have it. I am going to see a heart doctor.

I know it may sound, oh I don't know the correct adjective, ignorant? But I rather not know if I truly have a heart condition...honestly. I know, I know. But honestly, I'm doing it for Lili and Lil' Peanut. I have my appointment is on Hump Day. I'll let you all know the outcome.

I had quite a bit more to express, but....I have a toddler that insists it's nap time. Oh, I forgot...here is my new hair color!