Yesterday was so much fun! We (Lilian and me) didn't do anything out of the ordinary. Just hung out at my parents house until the afternoon, went home to meet Jace, and then we (Jace, Lilian and me) went out to eat. Lilian loooooooooooooves fries....I think that's bad. But every time I would have a fry in my hand she would grab my hand and bring it to her mouth. I also gave her a couple of bites of my chicken sandwich...she loved it. After dinner, we went home and played on the floor with all of her toys for an hour then it was time to start the bed time routine. She ate dinner ( a really good dinner) and took a bath. I brushed her teeth, put lotion on her and brushed her hair along with cleaning out her ears and nose (she likes to store food in her nose) and proceeded to nurse her to sleep like I usually do. She didn't fall asleep though. I looke down and I see two little eyes staring back at me....then a smile. So back to the living room floor covered in toys we went.

I ended up getting a phone call from my mom. My parents and brother with his wife were at a Bar/restaurant called Br.ew Ga.rd.en. Lili wasn't tired, I wasn't tired, so we went. There was a live band playing, Lili started dancing and laughing, it was a hiliarious show. We got home about an hour later and off to bed we went.

So my Saturday was nice...my Friday? Not so much. I had to wake up at the butt crack of dawn to get Lili to her appointment to get a flu shot. I had to get a flu shot and then I stepped on a rusty roof nail. Now I italilsized rusty because it wasn't questionably rusty, or here or there rusty.....the whole dange thing was unbelievably rusty. I was taking out the garbage in my husband's flip flops... and suddenly I felt this horrible dull pain in my foot, I lift my foot up and notice a nail sticking through the sandal and into my foot. I had to pull it out. That sucked. Luckily it didn't go too far in, not bad at all. It still hurt really bad though. I called three different places, all said I have to go get a tetanus shot....((sigh)). So have I gone yet? Nope. Why? Because I'm lazy, and I feel like I'm wasting time. Sounds ridiculous right? I know. I am going to my health department tomorrow to get one...I swear. I have to get a shot within three days of the incident according to poision control. So Monday is the third day...I'll let you know of my jaw starts locking up before that.

Stinker cannot breathe

Lili is sick. Poor thing couldn't breathe last night, so it was a hell of a night. She would wake up crying almost every 45 minutes it felt like. I got no sleep.
I took some pain reliever P.M's last night so I could fall asleep at a decent time ( I have a hard time falling asleep). Yeah. Those suckers didn't work at all. Two hours post pills, I'm wide awake watching t.v waiting for them to at least make me drowsy. Nothing. Anyways, I took them because like I said I needed to get to bed because this morning, I had to be at Lili's pediatrician at 8:45 am for her flu shot; he is about 30 minutes away. So I knew I'd be tired. Well it didn't matter what time I got to bed, I was up every hour with Lili anyways.
She did well with her vaccine. She didn't even know she got a shot. Well stinker is up from her nap.

((Sigh))
Alright, I'm back. We went out to lunch. Is it bad that I took out my congested baby? I figure she's going to be congested no matter where she is, home or out.
I just got her down for another nap, her last one was a sorry excuse for a nap. Usually to get her down for a nap I hold her facing me and rock her. This time while I was rocking her, I guess she wasn't tired and thought it was hilarious to make motor boat noises in my cleavage.....I kid you not. I am wearing a low cut shirt so she was eye level with the 'girls'. I couldn't help but laugh when she giggled, but that just egged her on. That's all the news for now, I'm going to get my flu shot in a couple of hours...I'm a wimp. I gave natural birth, I have nine piercings and three tattoo's, but I'm nervous about getting a vaccine....lame.

Fall in Florida

It's so nice outside, it's 68 degrees. Yes. That's right friends....68 degrees is considered crisp to us Floridians. We are a warm bunch.
I felt it when I woke up this morning, not Lili's wet cheap diapers, I felt that it was nice a cool outside. I don't know how I do it, it's not like I actually feel the temperature, I can tell it's cool outside without actually going outside.
It is going to be a little hard to enjoy the outside weather because I feel like complete and utter crap...yup...crap. I have snot dripping out of my nose, my right eye is swollen from sinus pressure, I am sneezing like a mad man and I can't smell or taste a thing. Oh well. What can you do?
So back to Lili's wet diaper this morning. So my little stinker sleeps with me in the morning....we both like this accommodation. So as we are cuddling I feel her little bum is wet. Yup. Her pee actually penetrated the diaper. The one time I actually buy the cheaper diapers, because I thought to myself "It can't be that bad....it's just supposed to absorb, it'll be ok." Nope, it's not ok. Her butt was wet, her clothes were wet, my sheets were wet. Stupid diapers. They were half the price for a reason, because they are half as good. This is just a public service announcement: Do NOT buy store brand diapers, they suck. If as a Mother, you feel a product will not work for your baby....you are probably right.
Alright, I'm stepping down from my soap box.

Yesterday Lili and I were playing outside with Duke. He is our 5 year old Dobermand Pinscher. He loves his Lili. Here is a picture of my handsome pup and some pictures of him and Lili playing when she was five months old.
So as I was saying we were outside playing with Duke. Lili would follow him EVERY WHERE. She would then grab his red ball that is laying on his paws and give it back to him. Duke would very gently take it from her little hands, when he would take it from her hands, his mouth is the lenght of her arms, so her entire arm would disappear into his mouth. Then she would grab it again, Duke would get all excited, thinking that she is about to throw it for him, nope, she would just take a step or two and hand it back to him, he was fine with that. He would gladly take it. I need to take more pictures of them...my camera took a poop though.

Growing up the odd one out.

I'm going to write about something that's pretty personal to me and that is growing up as and currently being a Jehovah's Witness.
I'm not going to write about what we believe in or anything like that, but more of what I had to grow through on a daily basis. I understand everyone has been made fun of one time or another, maybe because of a birthmark, being overweight, braces or maybe too tall. When you get teased for something like that, you don't have a choice but carry around the object of your teasing, but growing up as a Jehovah's Witness, I had a choice on a daily basis if I wanted to endure teasing and ridicule. I could pretend I wasn't a 'witness' today, and everyone would leave me alone. No one would know.
Going through school as a witness (I will refer to being a Jehovah's Witness as 'witness') was hard. As a witness, I didn't celebrate any holidays which included birthdays, nor did I say the Pledge of Allegiance every morning. As everyone knows from personal experience, children are cruel, so when children observed me not taking part in Birthdays I usually got made fun of. I didn't mind getting sent to the library to sit by myself while the class celebrated birthdays, I didn't mind having to sit on the bench during chorus because they were singing Christmas Carols. I didn't mind not being able to dress up and go trick or treating....really I didn't, I never felt like I missed a thing. I didn't miss not getting birthday gifts or party.
The only part of not celebrating holidays that bothered me and usually brought me to tears was when I got made fun of, told I was a freak and idiot. Or when I would get ridiculed by close family that weren't witness's, or when they would try to pin me against me mother, because she declined a invitation to holiday party. That hurt. It hurt when I grew up and the same part of my family still didn't understand we had beliefs and we weren't going to compromise those beliefs for them. But even if we did, say for one day we decided "Whatever! Let's go to Thanksgiving dinner!" It always baffled me how this said family would not feel bad for talking some into compromising their beliefs...I don't know. It hurt when that same part of my family tried playing the guilty card by saying it was hard for them .....for them.....hard for them... to grow up with witness's as relatives. It was hard for them to go through holidays knowing we weren't going to be at the Christmas dinner or birthday. It's hard for me to feel bad, especially after all the nagging and persecution I've gone through, I have no empathy I guess.

I want to raise Lilian with good standards. I want to raise her the best way I can. I look back at the job my parents did, I look at the job my in-laws did, and I hope to follow in those foot steps. I need to show Lilian that no matter how much she goes through for sticking to her standards, principles and beliefs, it's worth enduring it.
Growing up as a Jehovah's Witness is something I rarely ever talk about, I don't harp on it, I don't even really think about it. I figure every person has their belief that someone will not agree with, so I am no different, I'm not special. But when family threaten to never let their child develop a relationship with Lilian, it breaks my heart. It breaks my heart that even after so much we ,as mankind, have broadened out and come to accept others for whatever they stand for, a simple invitation decline can bring down 24 years of a family relationship and future relationship of little cousins. My heart hurts now. But I know I need to stand for my beliefs, because if I don't now, all those years of standing for I believe in will be pointless.




I just wanted to add something. Lauren, here is the answer to your question. Thanks for asking.

Have you thought about what you will do or how you will react if Lillian chooses not to follow in the witness path? Or how you will answer her questions regarding other religions?

I haven't really thought about it, but coming from personal experience, I would have to let Lili do what she thinks she needs to do. I wouldn't be happy about it, but I really wouldn't have a choice. When I was a teenager I decided that being a witness wasn't something I wanted to do. I rebelled in every aspect you can think of, for a while too. But I came back to the religion because I thought it was the right choice for me. And I hope that if anything like that happens with Lili she'll make the same choice.
As far as answering her questions regarding other religions, I would encourage her to do research and find the answers she is looking for, the same thing my parents told me when I was younger. Actually when I was younger, in highschool, I took four years of world religions class to learn about other religions, it was something I wanted to be educated about.

The cutest baby in the world and a little town in Georgia

So I know it's a complete 'Mom' thing to say, but seriously....it's hard to believe that there is a cuter baby then my Lili ( I know it's possible, but I have mommy goggles on.) I love how she sits in her play pen, holds on to her stuffed mouse and watches her educational shows, while I drink my coffee. During comercials she plays with her toys and then, when show comes back on, she slowly sits right back down, sometimes crosses her legs, and silently watches her show.
About a week ago, Jace bought her a stuffed mouse that she eyed across the store. To kind of torture the little girl, Jace slowly strolled next to the stuffed mouse three or four times in a row, watching Lili as her eyes stayed glued to the toy. So of course, the squishy softy dad that Jace is....he bought the $10.00 toy. And what does Lili do with the toy now, you ask? Drag. It. Everywhere. Everywhere. While she is crawling, she has it's ear in one hand, draggin it on the floor. If she is cruising on furniture...it's dangling by one ear in the air. While she is sitting, it's in her lap. And if she forgets it somewhere and I remind her of her toy.....her face lights up like a 40 watt lamp, and I'm suddenly super mom.
Other news in 'Cute Lili Land', Lilian has started saying "Hi." Not at the correct times........but it's the effort that counts....plus it's cute, so who cares if it's at the right time. Also, while at the wedding this weekend, a relative was holding her and I was in her crosshairs, so of course she started pointing at me and reaching. I didn't react because I want her to broaden out, but she started to breakdown, whine and all of a sudden as a little pointer finger is staring right at me I hear a loud, high pitched, whine of "Maaa"...... "MAMA!" My heart melted all over the floor. My little stinker called me Mama....I was on cloud nine. That was awesome.

While in Georgia for the wedding, we stayed in the little town that hosted this wedding. It's an adorable city. The kind of city you see in Life.tim.e movies take place in, where all you see are small houses with three steps lead up to the brick house, that are covered in orange and red fall leaves, with a nice stained glass lamp very dimly lit in the window. The kind of town that everyone leaves their doors unlocked and the worst crime that has happened since 1897 is that Buddy the goat ate old man Johnson's underpants from the clothes line. It's also the kind of town that everyone know's everyone's dirty secrets. It's the kind of town that seems like it would have a scary, creepy secret of it's own. All in all, when you take a deep breath in this town, you feel a little refreshed, and you want to stay a little longer.

I forgot to mention (or did I?) That my father came back from Europe. I saw pictures of his old village. I saw pictures of relatives I've never met and probably never will. I saw pictures of late night roasts and of old women, with head coverings, sitting outside peeling potatoes. I saw pictures of little children helping out on the farm that should be in school. I saw pictures of my father, smiling like I've never seen him smile. I saw pictures of a place that felt more like home that my own house. I saw pictures of a place that feels I should be living in those pictures. I saw pictures of place that made my father tear up, just thinking of the people he left behind once again. I think I saw pictures of a place I should do something about.

It's so hard

It's so hard for me to write a post when I feel so unmotivated.

We got back for the out of state wedding on Sunday morning....early, early morning. The wedding was fun, small, and sweet. Jace danced with his daughter.Lilian also danced with her GrandpaAnd her Grandmother.


This is Lili's Uncle making faces at her.........Jace unexpedictly took his picture.....awesome.



I drove the first half home at 11 o'clock at night. I decided to drive to the Florida border, which took about five hours, we got to the border at 4 o'clock in the morning....I was exhausted. From the border Jace drove home, I passed out in the back with Lilian.....well, she was sleeping since we left at 11 o'clock.

Some people call me Jackie O.

Hmph. I wish.
So my sister-in-law, H., were talking, as we usually do, and fashion came up, as it usually does. This conversation was a little different. Instead of it being, "do you like this?" "how about this?" it was more along the lines of "If you financially comfortable how would you wardrobe look? What would you style be?"

Right now, I am a t-shirt, jeans and flip flops kind of girl......by default. I am the epitome of a stay at home mom when it comes to clothes, they most be comfortable, realistic and easy to breastfeed in. Last time I checked, nursing clothes.....not fashionable. So back to our discussion. If I had enough cash to overhaul my wardrobe, I'd be a whole different woman. I have a picture in my head of how my personalty would dress, I'd be very Jackie O., very 1940's with some stepford wives mixed in there. As for a casual look? I have no idea. Maybe a little more sexy hippie? That looks comfortable and pretty. But even Jackie O.'s casual style was very pretty and elegant. She wore tight turtle necks with a straight legged tweed pants. Some how she made a blouse and jeans look like it's own style




See, I used to do the whole punk rock thing. I mean the spikes, studs, piercings, band shirts, even the hair. Once I got married though, I figured it was time to grow up. Now I'm kinda stuck in a fashion or style purgatory. Where flip flops have overtaken my closet and jeans are the only material I have for pants, I don't even want to get on the subject of shirts. ((sigh)) It's almost depressing that I've lost my style identity, you know? Sounds kind of shallow, but I believe style helps define a woman, it kind of gives people a preview of what kind of person and women you are.

So what kind of woman do you want people to see when they look at your style, or hope they see? Do you think your style does you justice? What would your style be if you were able to afford it?
I'd want my style to portray a classy, strong, almost intimidating image. Strange?