It's so hard

It's so hard for me to write a post when I feel so unmotivated.

We got back for the out of state wedding on Sunday morning....early, early morning. The wedding was fun, small, and sweet. Jace danced with his daughter.Lilian also danced with her GrandpaAnd her Grandmother.


This is Lili's Uncle making faces at her.........Jace unexpedictly took his picture.....awesome.



I drove the first half home at 11 o'clock at night. I decided to drive to the Florida border, which took about five hours, we got to the border at 4 o'clock in the morning....I was exhausted. From the border Jace drove home, I passed out in the back with Lilian.....well, she was sleeping since we left at 11 o'clock.

Some people call me Jackie O.

Hmph. I wish.
So my sister-in-law, H., were talking, as we usually do, and fashion came up, as it usually does. This conversation was a little different. Instead of it being, "do you like this?" "how about this?" it was more along the lines of "If you financially comfortable how would you wardrobe look? What would you style be?"

Right now, I am a t-shirt, jeans and flip flops kind of girl......by default. I am the epitome of a stay at home mom when it comes to clothes, they most be comfortable, realistic and easy to breastfeed in. Last time I checked, nursing clothes.....not fashionable. So back to our discussion. If I had enough cash to overhaul my wardrobe, I'd be a whole different woman. I have a picture in my head of how my personalty would dress, I'd be very Jackie O., very 1940's with some stepford wives mixed in there. As for a casual look? I have no idea. Maybe a little more sexy hippie? That looks comfortable and pretty. But even Jackie O.'s casual style was very pretty and elegant. She wore tight turtle necks with a straight legged tweed pants. Some how she made a blouse and jeans look like it's own style




See, I used to do the whole punk rock thing. I mean the spikes, studs, piercings, band shirts, even the hair. Once I got married though, I figured it was time to grow up. Now I'm kinda stuck in a fashion or style purgatory. Where flip flops have overtaken my closet and jeans are the only material I have for pants, I don't even want to get on the subject of shirts. ((sigh)) It's almost depressing that I've lost my style identity, you know? Sounds kind of shallow, but I believe style helps define a woman, it kind of gives people a preview of what kind of person and women you are.

So what kind of woman do you want people to see when they look at your style, or hope they see? Do you think your style does you justice? What would your style be if you were able to afford it?
I'd want my style to portray a classy, strong, almost intimidating image. Strange?

What is big, black and makes a lot of noise?

A garbage bag full of my dirty dishes. Don't you just hate it when you clean you whole kitchen and you blink and all of a sudden your sink is filled to the brim with dirty dishes. Like someone was hiding out a barrel of dirty dishes you had no idea existed. ((sigh)) I hate dirty dishes. That is why I am about to throw them all away. I am perfectly content with eating out of my hand, I can handle washing my hand when I'm done eating....the only problem is how can I heat things up in the microwave? PAPER PLATES HERE I COME!!

Ok, on to more important stuff. Saturday is Jace and I's 6 year anniversary.
6th WEDDING ANNIVERSARY
Traditional Anniversary Gift: Candy
Modern Anniversary Gift: Iron

Iron? Do supplements count?
Anyways,usually we don't do much for our anniversaries, get each other a card or flowers and call it a day. But this year we are going out and little munchkin is staying home with Grandma, and for about three hours, I am not going to be a mom, just a wife. It's going to be fun. So far our marriage has been great. Granted we've gone through some rough times, but seriously, who hasn't? The important thing, and the element that's different, we got through it and are still married. I attribute that to our parents. My parents are still married (31 years) and so are Jace's (27 years). Jace and I have had great models to watch and learn from while growing up. We've learned what it takes to make a marriage last years on years on years, it's just up to us to executed what we've learned. And now that we have a family together, it's like the knot that marriage tied, has gotten tighter, it's triple tied.

So for every married and/or person in a serious relationship, what do you think is the reason you are still with your significant other? What has kept you together? Pulled you through the bad times holding hands still?

It's time!!

I bet all of you are just shaking in anticipation. You were looking forward to this post all weekend, right? HAH. I kid. Thank you for all the post, it did a lot better than I thought it would. Well here we go.

Morgan asked...

1. How is the not smoking cigarettes going? Actually it's going great. I had a relative visit that's a smoker....and it really made me realize that the cigarette "need" I thought I had was all in my head. I can't tell you how good it feels to know I am not addicted to cigarettes anymore. For example another relative left a pack of cigarettes at my house.....I wasn't even remotely tempted, not one single bit, and it felt a.w.e.s.o.m.e.

2. How did you and your hubby's relationship change once you had Lily?I think we are definitely closer. Our relationship has matured a lot. We realize what is trivial and important. I am a lot more bossy and possessive of Lily.

3. How long have you been with him? Well we've known each other for pretty much our whole lives, but we've been together for ten years and married for six years on this coming up Saturday.

4. What are your plans for Lily's first birthday party? We don't have any plans for Lilian's birthday. We are Jehovah's Witness' so she will be raised not celebrating any type of holiday's or birthday's.

5. How many different states have you been to? Ever been out of the country? I have been to 6 different states and never out of the country. I would LOVE to go to Yugoslavia, Italy, Ireland, Romania, Spain, England and Greece.

Misty Dawn asked...

Are you a baptized witness? Is DH? Both Jace and I are baptized Jehovah's Witness'

How many people in your family are JW's? Let's see. My parents, my brother, my great aunt, two uncles and their family and one aunt. For my husband it's only his parent's and siblings.

Do you have any non-believers in your Fam? How are you handling that now with Lily? Are you pressured to celebrate xmas and bdays? I do have quite a bit of non-believers in my close family. So far there has been no pressure from them regarding holidays and such. They have dealt with our beliefs long enough to know that Lilian is going to be raised the same, sometimes they are pretty rough when it comes to us not being involved in their holiday traditions, but I guess we'll see what happens. We don't really associate with them enough I think for it to be a problem.

Are you a SAHM? Yes I am. I love it.

When will you TTC#2? Probably the end of next year.

Elizabeth asked...

What was your reaction when you first saw that BFP? I was completely and utterly shocked, I was in disbelief. I was beyond estactic.

How long had you been trying? I was trying for almost exactly a year when I found out.

If you had a boy what would the name have been? Probably Jon. DH and I never really agreed on a boy name.

What was your wedding like? It was on a friday at the court house, with my parents, Brother and Grandmother. Jace had his family there too, and then Jace and I had to go to work....yup worked on our wedding day.

What are your hobbies? Hobbies...hmm...let's see. Nothing right now. Before I got pregnant, I played raquet ball all the time, it was so much fun. I need to get back into it. I really wanted to start photography and scrapbooking though.

Christina asked...

Where do you live? Tampa, FL

How long have you been blogging? Since December of last year.

Do you still go on webmd? Occasionally, I mainly just Lurk, I don't agree with a lot of things posted on there , so I just stay on the sidelines.

Sorry I am not that exciting! Thanks for all the questions thought, it was so much fun. If you thought of a question and forgot to post.....go right ahead!

I don't think enough people read me.

But I'll throw my heart out there and ask any ways. I wanted to try a Q & A post and see what happens. They look like so much fun, I want to try it out. So there it is, I said and can't take it back. Hopefully more than one person asks a question. Ask anything. I will repost in a day the questions and answers. Uh oh. I'm scared of the outcome.

This is the first time I'm not looking forward to the 8th

In five days, my little baby is going to be 11 months old. Crazy. Yes. I know. This is the very first time I want the power to slow or possibly stop time from moving forward. I don't like the idea of her turning into a toddler, because that officially means she won't be my little baby anymore. It's a little depressing. ((sigh)) What can you do but, hope that time stops? She's been developing by leaps and bounds lately and while I'm more than ecstatic, I also see the toddler in her starting to emerge. She's starting to walk with barley holding on to my fingers. She's understanding more commands, like she'll dance if you ask her, crawl to you when you call her. She's also wanting to eat on her own more now, when I give her table food that is.

((sigh)) I cursed myself. I remember when she was first born. I was stressed and scared beyond recognition, I muttered everyday "I can't wait until she's older!". And now that she's here......I don't like it. It scared me more than when she was a itty bitty baby.
I shouldn't be all negative about her getting older I guess. We have a lot of things to look forward to. Now she is more appreciative of her surroundings, so going to the zoo will be our next "first". Or even the Ta.mpa Aquarium, or and of course Dis.ne.y Wo.rld. I wonder if the big characters will scare her? I look forward to her saying "mama". She's calling me "dada" right now. Yeah. She's mixed up.

So you mama's out there, how do you feel about you little one growing up on ya?

And now for your viewing enjoyment and your reccommended dose of "Lilian cuteness" here are some pictures.

I have nothing.

Sorry for the lack of .....um....letting you know I still exist. Well last weekend we went to a religious convention. It was awesome in all aspects. They even had a nursing room set aside for all the nursing mothers. It had a radio with a bunch of chairs and a nice air purifying fan. Here is Lily paying attention to the convention.


I swear my boobs didn't look like they were going to pop out and poke someone in the eye, when I tried the dress on. Sorry.

Anyways, back to the convention. It was so encouraging to be around all of these nursing moms, it was also interesting to see how different people are. Some women would just bust out a boobie and start feeding, others would take two hours to cover themselves and hide the baby, etc. etc. I was the first of the two. I just don't really care too much, if you don't want to see a boobie, then don't look, is my motto. If you are shy, I have nothing against it. But Lilian wouldn't let me be shy, if I even attempted to cover her, she'd throw the blanket right off.
So that weekend, for whatever reason, Lilian was a nursing fool. Maybe it was her security blanket for being in a different place? Other than that, she did awesome. We went out to eat that weekend a couple of times, Lilian and I shared food, and she took daily naps on my lap. It was awesome.
As soon as we got back home though, she got a little under the weather. The doctor thinks she might be allergic to Kitty, our cat. Yup, that's right, our cat is named Kitty, it's so original it blows your mind, right? I know. So we have to give her away. Lilian is starting to feel a little better though.
Well, in other news my father is officially back in his old country. My mom was a wreck when he was on his way. Every few minutes "Lari, can you check and see if your father's flight is on time?" "Lari can you check if your father's flight left?" "Can you see if the flight landed?" I guess that's how it is after being married for 30+ years. My father was a little hesistant to leave, he doesn't see the point, in his eyes, his family is here. But I know he will enjoy himself and all of his childhood memories will come flooding back to him, I wish I could have gone with him.


My brother helped him find a nice digital camera and gave my father a tutorial on how to use it. My father is cute, the night before his departure, we (Lilian, Jace, my brother and his wife and my mother.) were all at my parents, and I hear my dad in the backround "Alright Danny, let's reveiw!" Holding up the camera pointing at my brother. I'm really looking forward to seeing pictures of my family I never had the chance to meet. The Grandmother I never got to bond with or hear old world stories from, or get wet uninvited kisses from. I can't wait to see how my Uncle looks, I've always heard we look alike. I wonder if it's true. I won't get to see how my Grandfather looks though, he passed away when I first got married 6 years ago. Even though I never met him, I remember how much I cried, I cried like him and I had a past. I cried because I lost my chance to ever meet him and hug him. I digress.

Well I'll leave you all with a picture of Lilian and bubbles. I gave her a bath with this stuff thats for babies with colds...I didn't know it made bubbles ( a big no-no, according to my pedi.)