Those pictures were my cousin, crazy huh? Lilian doesn't go to many people when they offer to hold her (only Jace, me and my mother) But when D came down, Lily had no problem going to her, I assumed it was because we looked so much a like. We sound nothing alike, I have almost a southern accent and she has a very Queens, NY accent.
I have some questions, now you aren't obligated to answer, because I am not necessarily asking them to be answered, but more just to give you an idea of the war going on in my heart right now. Is it wrong to get over a hurt in your heart only because time has passed and not because you actually dealt with the problem? I feel guilty because I'm starting to feel better since I starting forget my pain, does that make sense? I know not that much time has passed, but enough has to where I am not as big of wreck as the day I heard the news that broke me.
The other part of the battle going on is this. Say everything you felt and thought you knew of a pillar of person in you life was completely torn down and ripped away, how are you supposed to put that in perspective and deal with it? This pillar of a person has been so monumental in your life since you were a child, they helped mold you as a person. How are you supposed to grasp this change and move on without having a mental breakdown in front of your child and husband? Let me know if you figured this one out, because I am sure as hell lost. I have no idea what I supposed to do.
When I was younger (teenage) I was a very broken girl. I had a lot to deal with. I got through most of it, by writing poetry and doing other things that aren't a good idea, I did drugs and cut myself quite a bit. Anyways, I got past that, I evolved into a balanced, healthy young adult that didn't need any of those crutches to deal with problems. Now that all has changed. Now I haven't returned to any of those said crutches, but I feel like that same broken little teenage girl. Overwhelmed, suffocated. I never thought I would feel like this again. This might sound crazy, but I think I was stronger when I was 16.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
It is not at all wrong to get over something just because time has passed & you haven't dealt with it. It's not exactly the best course of action because whatever happened will always be there in the back of your head even if you try to pretend it's not and hide it away.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was younger something happened that I still haven't really dealt with. It's not that I wasn't able to talk about it with my parents but I never did really get the chance to talk to someone like I should have. I just stuff it back in the back of my head & try to close and lock up doors between that & my current state of mind.
Don't be a hero- if you really really need to talk to someone, do it. It's not going to make it better all at once. It'll hurt to talk about it and deal with it. But you can only truly heal after you've met your demons & conquered them. I'm proud of you for the person you've become & that what you've gone through (i.e. the drugs, etc) didn't keep you down but that you took hold of your life & made it what it is.
The only crutch I would say is a healthy one- an outlet even- would be the poetry. When I thought I was again becoming depressed I started writing poetry & it helped me tremendously. No one else has to see it- you can write it & burn it, throw it away, whatever.
((MAJOR SUPER DUPER HUGS))
Something that I have recently started to believe more is that in many situations there are just no resolutions. Stories have beginnings, problems, climaxes, resolutions, and endings. But life isn't like that, it seems. There is no ending, no beginning, and often there isn't even a coherent narrative (except for the ones we make up). Naturally, i think a lot of things don't have any natural resolution the way we'd like them to.
ReplyDeleteI think with some problems the only resolution is coming to terms with the fact that there won't be a resolution. Often only time can bring us to terms with that. Is it okay to forget about something that has not been resolved? Sometimes thats the only solution life let's us have.